Paraprosdokians

People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it's no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. - Erma Bombeck

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. - Simpsons

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folks have lent me. - Anatole France

It’s always darkest before dawn. So, if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. - Unknown

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch? - A.A. Milne

Sometimes I step outside and look up at the stars and think to myself … Damn I love pissing outside. - Unknown

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. - Doug Larson

It takes a wonderful brain and exquisite senses to produce a few stupid ideas. - George Santayana

Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it. - Evan Esar

Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry – and the world laughs harder. - Evan Esar

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. - Unknown

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential. - Unknown

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