Wednesday, 13 May 2009


Even in a marriage that is fundamentally fine, we may have to live with a certain amount of loneliness. No two people match perfectly, and parts of ourselves may never be understood by the person we had hoped would be our soul mate. People only partly connect – even with their nearest and their dearest.

Human beings are social creatures and most people seek company. People need affection and love. People need to belong, to be valued, and most will choose friendship and companionship at any cost – for their alternative is loneliness.

Physically, you can be by yourself and not feel lonely. You keep yourself busy one way or another, or else you enjoy the peace and quiet. It is a chance to retreat from the rat race, from the busy world outside. A time of quietude is a time of physical rest as well as spiritual "refreshing". No distractions, just pure indulgence. 

It takes a very confident person to be able to come to terms with being alone. Someone with no hang-ups. Someone who is comfortable being by himself or herself. 

I guess it's also to do with a certain amount of selfishness. A desire to be left alone to get on with one's life without too much interference from others. 

But not everyone can take a lifestyle of being alone. Indeed, for those who hate being alone, loneliness is a terrible thing. Especially if it is forced on you - when a spouse dies, for instance, or when the children grow up and leave home.

Then, the silence can be deafening. You face a void. There is a terrible ache and emptiness in your heart. The four walls of the house seem to cave in on you. 

You feel so - alone. 

Yet there are others who can be in a crowd and still feel distanced and alone. 

They are the ones with unmet needs such as feeling a lack of self-worth, a craving for love or being stuck in an unfulfilling job or relationship. For them, happiness seems elusive. And seeing others happy only makes them feel worse. 

Whether loneliness is forced on you, or you are feeling inadequate, there’s
no point wallowing in self-pity. You should drum up the courage to opt for change. Make friends, engage in social activities, or participate in community activities. Get active, do something you enjoy!

You can be as happy as you want to be. There is no need to be, or feel alone.

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