Humorous Quips

It’s a new day – and a new week! What better way to start the week with a little humour.

Life can be difficult and stressful. For some, life is a constant struggle. However, after the storm, the sun will shine again. And come what may, Life goes on. Meanwhile, try to relax, and take it easy – laugh and be happy.

Here are some phrases that are witty, funny, and at the same time, have quite a bit of truth in them. Have a look, see if you can find the humour in them. Maybe they can put a smile on your face, and help you forget about your troubles for a while.

May your days be filled with laughter.

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them. - Unknown

An original idea. That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them. - Stephen Fry

Divorce has become so easy nowadays that women have stopped crying at weddings. - Evan Esar

Any day above ground is a good day. - Robert Gerus

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start. - Edgar Watson Howe

Buy land, they’re not making it any more. - Mark Twain

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. - Ambrose Bierce

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. - Voltaire

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. - Unknown

I have never been hurt by what I have not said. - Calvin Coolidge

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting. - Billy Rose

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Humorous Quips

Science has proven that laughing increases the brain’s production of endorphins – “the natural way our body relieves pain, reduces stress and boosts mood”. Laughing also “increases our intake of oxygen-rich air and blood flow and circulation, which can improve brain health”.

With so many benefits to laughing, we should all have a good laugh whenever we can, and try to maintain a cheerful disposition all the time. I hope the following humorous quips will bring on a chuckle, or at least a smile.

Have a great week ahead and may your days be filled with laughter..

If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing, it’s because I’ve already done it. - Unknown

Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come in second are your wife and your dog. - Damon Hill

You could say anything you wanted to someone you thought you were never going to see again. - Cassandra Clare

I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal. - Jane Austen

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. - Unknown

I guess we’d be living in a boring, perfect world if everybody wished everybody else well. - Unknown

Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman. - Coco Chanel

Bullfighting can be an art. Boxing can be an art. Loving can be an art. Opening a can of sardines can be an art. - Charles Bukowski

You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves. - Toni Sciarra Poynter

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. - W. Somerset Maugham

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Witty Aphorisms

Aphorisms and quotes that are witty and humorous have an advantage. They make us smile and are therefore more easily remembered.

Take a look at today’s selection of witty aphorisms. Remember the ones you like, and go impress your friends with your wit and humour. You will be very popular. We all like a witty and humorous person.

Have a great week ahead and may your days be filled with laughter.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her. - Helen Rowland

Don’t refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase. That’s what wild geese are for. - Unknown

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

If you never heard opportunity knock, maybe you’re never at home. - Marilyn vos Savant

What you do not know will not hurt you. It is what you suspect that causes all of the trouble. - Unknown

It does not matter how much milk you spill as long as you do not lose the cow. - Unknown

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over. - Ambrose Bierce

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction. - Ken Alstad

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it. - Andre Maurois

A process which led from the amoeba to man appeared to philosophers to be obviously progress – though whether the amoeba would agree with this opinion is not known. - Bertrand Russell

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Humorous Quips

Humour and laughter are the antidote to a stressful life. When possible, where possible, laugh. Your laughter might be the only ray of sunshine some people see for the whole day.

If you are having one of those days where you are finding it hard to laugh, have a look at the following. Maybe that will bring on a chuckle, or a smile at least.

May your days be filled with laughter.

Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits. - Unknown

You can agree with me, or you can be wrong. - Edgar Argo

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Better a bald head than none at all. - Austin O’Malley

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. - Charles Lamb

Dating a tennis player is risky – love means nothing to us. - Anna Kournikova

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back. - Bill Watterson

Between two evils, I always like to take the one I’ve never tried before. - Mae West

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake. - Unknown

Don’t try to win over haters. You’re not the Jackass whisperer. - Scott Stratten

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. - Winston Churchill

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. - Jack Benny

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Humorous Quips

One way of relieving stress is to have a good laugh. Laughter might not solve your problems but it will help you to forget your problems for a while. When you come back to them in a better frame of mind, and a fresh pair of eyes, you might find that the problems are not actually such a big deal.

Take a look at today’s quips, remember the ones you like and go make your friends laugh. They will be impressed with your wit, and you will be very popular because we all like a person who can make us laugh.

Quips – a witty or funny observation or response, usually made on the spur of the moment, or it could be a clever, usually taunting remark.

As long as there are birthday gifts, I don’t mind celebrating my birthdays every day. - Unknown

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

The woman who tells her real age is either too young to have anything to lose, or too old to have anything to gain. - Unknown

You know what they say about skydivers, right? There are old skydivers and bold skydivers, but there are no old, bold skydivers. - Jeff Wuorio

Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose. - Evan Esar

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

Nowadays, the only occasions that seem to bring families together are weddings and funerals. - Julia McNamara

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. - Doug Larson

Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open. - Unknown

There’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything, and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way. - Colonel Potter

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Humorous Quips

It is said that laughter is a prevention against depression, a truly therapeutic agent of positive self healing. So, the sensible thing would be to laugh as much as you can, when you can.

Life is short. Like the passing clouds, we are here one moment, gone the next. So, don’t take life too seriously. Laugh and be merry. You will find life more bearable.

Enjoy today’s selection of humorous quips. Remember the ones you like, and go make someone laugh. They might not tell you, but they will be thankful to you for that. We all like someone who can make us laugh.

May your days be filled with laughter.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. - Mackey Miller

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. - Oscar Wilde

Happiness doesn’t come cheap. Hell, if it did, we would all be smiling. - Dan Scott

Give me just enough information so that I can lie convincingly. - Stephen King

A woman is rarely up-to-date on the subject of her age. - Robert Elliot

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise. - Ted Turner

With adolescent egotism and a lot of money one can pretty much rule the world. - Glen Duncan

I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true. - Dorothy Parker

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. - Mark Twain

They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. - Mark Twain

Getting fit is all about mind over matter. I don’t mind, so it doesn’t matter. - Adam Hargreaves

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Humorous Quips

Quips – a witty or funny observation or response, usually made on the spur of the moment, or it could be a clever, usually taunting remark.

The following quips are funny, and at the same time, there is truth in them. Maybe that is why they make us laugh – because we are able to see the humour, and relate to what’s being said. Sometimes, we find it funny because we are caught out, the quip took us by surprise.

I hope there will be at least a few in this collection that bring on a smile. Remember the ones you like, and go make your friends laugh.

May your days be filled with laughter.

Image created on Canva You know you’re an alcoholic when you misplace things for like a decade. - Paul Williams

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich

It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. - Unknown

Exercise is quite majestic when seen from a distance. - Bauvard

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. - Woodrow Wyatt

Of all the things I’ve lost, it’s my mind I miss the most. - Ozzy Osbourne

Change is not a four letter word … but often your reaction to it is! - Jeffrey Gitomer

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. - Unknown

Getting struck by lightning is like winning the lottery, except of course, not as lucky. - Jarod Kintz

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one. - Clarence Darrow

Few men are admired by their servants. - Michel de Montaigne

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life! - Oscar Wilde

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Humorous Quips

Quips – a witty or funny observation or response, usually made on the spur of the moment, or it could be a clever, usually taunting remark.

Enjoy this selection of humorous quips. They are funny but at the same time, there is truth in some of these quips.

Life is too short to waste it worrying about things you have no control over. So, relax, laugh as heartily as you can, as often as you can. It is through humour, and laughter, that we soften some of life’s demand on us. And once we can find laughter, no matter how painful the situation might be, we can survive it.

May your days be filled with laughter.

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I have been a believer in the magic of language since, at a very early age, I discovered that some words got me into trouble and others got me out. - Katherine Dunn

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. - Oscar Wilde

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish I’ll know how it turned out. - Nora Ephron

You don’t need to know all the answers. No one is smart enough to ask you all the questions. - Unknown

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

During a test, people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information. - Unknown

In department stores, so much kitchen equipment is bought indiscriminately by people who just come in for men’s underwear. - Julia Child

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. - Doug Larson

A woman is always ready to describe another woman as charming, but only if the other woman is not charming. - Evan Esar

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. - Mark Twain

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Humorous Quips

It is said that laughter improves our immune system’s ability to protect our bodies. “The act of laughing increases the production of immune cells and antibodies in your blood so you can mount a stronger response to germs and infections”. That is why people who have a cheerful disposition are less prone to illnesses. And if they fall ill, their cheerful disposition will help them to recover faster.

Laughter truly is good medicine. So, laugh whenever you can, spread laughter wherever you go. We all like a person who can make us laugh.

May your days be filled with laughter.

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If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader. - Thomas S. Foley

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. - Kin Hubbard

Reality continues to ruin my life. - Bill Watterson

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. - Mae West

Some people are wise, some are otherwise. - Unknown

We get too soon old and too late smart. - Unknown

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. - Unknown

If the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann

If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. - Ashleigh Brilliant

Respect old people. They graduated school without Google or Wikipedia. – Unknown

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Witty Humour

Laughter, and a sense of humour will help us get over the rough patches in life. Laughter keeps us in a better frame of mind. When we are in a better frame of mind, life will not appear so depressing and things will not seem hopeless.

It is also said that a sense of humour can give our immunity system a boost. So, laugh whenever you can. It is cheap medicine.

Take a look at today’s selection of witty aphorisms. I hope they can bring on a smile, or a chuckle. May your days be filled with laughter.

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If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe. - Lord Salisbury

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. - Mark Twain

The instinct of a man is to pursue everything that flies from him, and to fly from all that pursue him. - Voltaire

It’s better for people to miss you than to have seen too much of you. - Edward Norton

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often. - Unknown

The best angle from which to approach any problem is the try-angle. - Unknown

When a fellow says, “It ain’t the money but the principle of the thing,” it’s the money. - Kin Hubbard

The man who is asked by an author what he thinks of his work, is put to the torture, and is not obliged to speak the truth. - Samuel Johnson

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars. - Abbie Hoffman

When a man forgets himself, he usually does something everybody else remembers. - Unknown

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Humorous Quips

Life can be stressful and difficult. That is why we need to have a sense of humour, and laughter in our lives. Without laughter, life would be quite intolerable. Where there is laughter, there is joy and happiness.

Here are some humorous quips spoken in jest or without too much thought. Remember the ones you like, and help to spread some laughter. People who spread joy and laughter are well-liked, and welcomed wherever they go.

May your days be filled with laughter.

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Duct tape can’t fix stupid. But it can muffle the sound. - Unknown

The person who sings his own praise is probably a soloist. - Unknown

To ‘catch’ a husband is an art; to ‘hold’ him is a job. - Simone de Beauvoir

Age is a number and mine is unlisted. - Unknown

I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. - Ashleigh Brilliant

Beds last on an average much longer than marriages. - Michel Houellebecq

A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once. - Frank A. Clark

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time, we need wages. - Terry Pratchett

Fate is what you call it when you don’t know the name of the person screwing you over. - Unknown

Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths. - Evan Esar

I hate to spread rumours, but what else can one do with them? - Singer Amanda Lear

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. - Charlie Brown

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Humorous Wit

Laughter is one way of relaxing and taking things easy. It provides a few minutes of distraction from all the negative news that is going around. Laughter might not solve our problems, but a good laugh will always lift our moods, and make life more bearable. It also makes you more attractive to others, because a laughing, or smiling face is always a beautiful face.

Here are some humorous and witty quotes to help put a smile on your face. Remember the ones you like, and go make your friends laugh. Your friends will be impressed with your wit and humour.

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A small town is a place where there is little to see or do, but what you hear makes up for it. - Ivern Ball

It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. - Adlai Stevenson

Although it gets me in trouble I always speak my mind because it hurts too much to bite my tongue. - Unknown

It is foolish to tear one’s hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less with baldness. - Cicero

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies. - Dr. John Arbuthnot

Before you meet the handsome prince you really have to kiss a lot of toads. - Unknown

His fine wit makes such a wound, the knife is lost in it. - Percy Shelly

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. - Harry Truman

The first rule of holes: When you are in one, stop digging. - Unknown

When chickens quit quarrelling over their food they often find that there is enough for all of them. I wonder if it might not be the same with the human race. - Don Marquis

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Humorous Quips

A new day, and a new week. Here’s a little humour to help you start the week on a positive note.

A sense of humour can help us get over life’s diffiuclt moments. All problems will be resolved one way or another eventually. So, why brood, worry and be unhappy. It doesn’t solve anything. We have to be able to laugh, no matter what life throws at us. If we can maintain a sunny disposition, the lingering dark clouds will disperse.

Anyhow, here are some humorous quips. I hope they can bring on a smile, or a chuckle. May your days be filled with laughter.

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There are three proven rules for good teeth: brush after every meal; see your dentist twice a year; and mind your own business. - Henry Boyd

The old begin to complain of the conduct of the young when they themselves are no longer able to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president. - Johnny Carson

I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. - Fred Allen

The great charm of cats is their rampant egotism, their devil may care attitude toward responsibility, and their disinclination to earn an honest dollar. - Robertson Davies

Despite all the good the world seems to offer, true happiness can only be found in one thing – shopping. - Ling Woo

I’ve finally reached the age where my Wild Oats have turned into All-Bran! - Tom Wilson

You can always get a facelift, tummy tuck, breast implants, etc. but you can’t fix stupid. - Ron White

A male gynaecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

The great advantage of being in a rut is that when one is in a rut, one knows exactly where one is. - Arnold Bennett

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Witty Humour

A little humour to start the week.

Aphorisms and quotes that are witty and humorous have an advantage. They make us smile and are therefore more easily remembered.

Take a look at today’s selection of witty aphorisms. Remember the ones you like, and go impress your friends with your wit and humour. You will be very popular. We all like a witty and humorous person.

Have a great week ahead and may your days be filled with laughter.

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When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. - R. C. Sherriff

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body – the wishbone. - Robert Frost

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. - Kin Hubbard

The first day, a guest; the second, a burden; the third, a pest. - Edouard R. Laboulaye

If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? - Mevlana Rumi

Nobody ever forgets where he buried a hatchet. - Unknown

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. - Marty Allen

Only some of us can learn by other people’s mistakes. The rest of us have to be the other people. - Unknown

If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener … it must be all the fertilizer they are using. - Kevin Rodowicz

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston Churchill

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Cheeky Humour

Humour and laughter are the antidote to a stressful life. When possible, where possible, laugh. Your laughter might be the only ray of sunshine some people see for the whole day.

If you are having one of those days where you are finding it hard to laugh, have a look at the following. Maybe that will bring on a chuckle, or a smile at least.

May your days be filled with laughter.

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A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen. - Unknown

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar – a practice which is still continued. - Helen Rowland

Life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid. - Michael Crichton

It is the plain women who know about love; the beautiful women are too busy being fascinating. - Katherine Hepburn

When I get in to work, I immediately hide. Good employees are hard to find. - Unknown

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t. - Unknown

The fifty-fifty-ninety rule: Anytime you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting something right, there is a ninety percent probability you will get it wrong. - Unknown

How to write “I change a lightbulb’ on your resume: “Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and no safety incidents.”

The cannon thunders... limbs fly in all directions... one can hear the groans of victims and the howling of those performing the sacrifice... it’s Humanity in search of happiness. - Charles Baudelaire

What a pity it is that there are so many words! Whenever one wants to say anything, three or four ways of saying it run into one's head together; and one can't tell which to choose. It is as troublesome and puzzling as choosing a ribbon... or a husband. - Julius Charles Hare

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Humorous Quips

There will always be ups and downs in life. That is why we need a sense of humour. A sense of humour helps us see the lighter side of things, and help us keep light-hearted. It helps us to enjoy life even when we do not have everything, when things do not happen the way we expected them to. In fact, it is when things do not go our way that we need our humour most.

I hope the following quips put a smile on your face. Some of them have a lot of truth.

May your days be filled with laughter.

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I often wonder who Pete is and why we do things for his sake… - Unknown

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. - Unknown

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde

My mind is not a bed to be made and remade. - James Agate

What is more humiliating than finding the object of your love unworthy? - Jeanette Winterson

Most women are not so young as they are painted. - Max Beerbohm

If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. - Mickey Mantle

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the bridge I said I’d cross when I came to it.- Unknown

I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning. - Unknown

Children go through life with same tact as tornado. - Charlie Chan

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. - Unknown

I grew intoxicated with my own eloquence. - Benjamin Disraeli

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Witty Humour

Science has proven that laughing increases the brain’s production of endorphins – “the natural way our body relieves pain, reduces stress and boosts mood”. Laughing also “increases our intake of oxygen-rich air and blood flow and circulation, which can improve brain health”.

With so many benefits to laughing, we should all have a good laugh whenever we can, and try to maintain a cheerful disposition all the time. I hope the following witty aphorisms will do just that – bring on a chuckle or at least a smile.

May your days be filled with laughter..

There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us. - Robert Luis Stevenson

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. - Dereke Rita

The trouble with people is not that they don’t know but that they know so much that ain’t so. - Josh Billings

You may not be too wise, but if you remain silent, you could fool a lot of people. - Unknown

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. - Unknown

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius. - Larry Leissner

It is better to be looked over than overlooked. - Mae West

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. - Unknown

The bedfellows politics made are never strange. It only seems that way to those who have not watched the courtship. - Marcel Achard

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men. - Martin Luther King Jr.

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Humorous Quips

It's a new day – and a new week! What better way to start the week with a little humour.

Life can be difficult and stressful. For some, life is a constant struggle. However, after the storm, the sun will shine again. And come what may, Life goes on. Meanwhile, try to relax, and take it easy – laugh and be happy.

Here are some phrases that are witty, funny, and at the same time, have quite a bit of truth in them. Have a look, see if you can find the humour in them. Maybe they can put a smile on your face, and help you forget about your troubles for a while.

May your days be filled with laughter.

Careful is a naked man climbing a barbed wire fence. - Ken Alstad

Women are never disarmed by compliments; men always are. - Oscar Wilde

Besides prostitution, magic is one of the oldest art forms that exist. - David Blaine

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. - Spike Milligan

Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious. - Brendan Gill

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. - Robert Quillen

People can lose their lives in libraries. They ought to be warned. - Saul Bellow

I never trust a man who doesn’t drink. - John Wayne

Only the guy who isn’t rowing has time to rock the boat. - Jean-Paul Sartre

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. - Ogden Nash

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. - Oscar Wilde

I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal. - Groucho Marx

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Witty Humour

Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. It's linked with improved cardiovascular health, pain relief, and immune system functioning. Laughter truly is a good medicine.

Take a look at today’s selection of witty aphorisms. I hope they make you laugh. Have a great week ahead and may your days be filled with laughter.

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. - Herman Wouk

The only aspect of our travels that is interesting to others is disaster. - Martha Gellman

A politician is an animal who can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. - H. L. Mencken

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. - Margaret Atwood

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. - Herbert Spencer

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. - Samuel Goldwyn

If you are good for nothing else, you can still serve as a bad example. - Peter Ludwig Berger

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. - Herbert Clark Hoover

We can all learn something from the parrot, which is content to repeat what it hears without trying to make a good story out of it. - Unknown

The woman whose behavior indicates that she will make a scene if she is told the truth asks to be deceived. - Elizabeth Jenkins

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Wacky Humour

Laughter is our reflex to something that tickles our funny bone; it is our reflex to something which we find amusing. It is when we find, or see the humour – in a joke, an action or a situation. And it doesn’t matter if you revel in the coarsest puns or the raunchiest jokes.

Whatever humour works for you, it is great. The important thing is to have a sense of humour. And not to lose your sense of humour no matter how tough life gets.

Enjoy this week’s selection of humour! May you days be filled with laughter!

Sometimes, when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handy

It's actually not too difficult to get a dog to bring a ball back to you once you learn how. It helps to start by understanding that dogs are just trying to teach you to play their game while you're trying to teach them yours. Who ends up training whom first depends on you. Keep in mind that dogs are naturals as animal trainers, while humans aren't, so you'd better be on your toes when you start to try out "fetch" with a new dog. - Patricia McConnel

Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it. - Daniel Handler

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