English

Funny English

61 British Sentences that will confuse everyone …

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Funny English

The funny English language:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

The funny English language II:

● There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; either apple nor pine in pineapple.
● English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
● Quicksand can work slowly.
● Boxing rings are square.
● A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

English

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If you've ever found yourself in a foreign country trying to explain the British expression 'a few sandwiches short of a picnic', this list is for you, says Hazel Davis

1. Sweet Fanny Adams
Sadly, the meaning of this is very easy to pinpoint and refers to eight-year-old Fanny Adams, who was killed and dismembered in Alton in 1867. The Royal Navy reportedly came to refer to their paltry meat rations as 'Fanny Adams'. It later came to stand for nothing at all, the initials conveniently standing for another more expression, resulting in Sweet FA.

2. Kicking the bucket
First mentioned in print in 1775, it has been suggested that the bucket refers to the Old French buquet for a balance, or a trebuchet, the medieval siege weapon for hurling missiles at the enemy.

3. A bit of how’s your father
This expression is first credited to music-hall comedian Harry Tate, who, when asked an awkward question, would reply with 'How's your father? This was then used by First World War servicemen as a stand-in for all manner of implications, including the racy one it is now most often associated with.

4. Bob’s your uncle
Meaning 'Simple as that', this expression is thought to date from the Victorian prime minister, Lord Salisbury, when he appointed his nephew Arthur Balfour as chief secretary for Ireland, a post most people considered him unfit for. However, from the 1900s, 'Bob' was a generic name for an unknown man.

5. To be a crosspatch
This expression originally refers to a fool or clown and supposedly dates from the 17th century. Apparently, the original 'patch' was a clown called Sexten, employed by Cardinal Wolsey.

6. The apple of my eye
This phrase, which appears in the King James Bible and also in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, refers to a time when the pupil of the eye was thought to be a solid object.

7. To be a flash in the pan
This expression is thought to have come from when flintlock muskets used to have small pans to hold gunpowder. if the gunpowder flared up without a bullet being fired, it was a 'flash in the pan'.

8. To get someone’s goat
In the 19th century nervous horses would supposedly be calmed down by placing a goat in the stall with them. Rival horse owners would steal (or 'get') the goat to upset the horse and win the race.

9. A red herring
This is thought to come from the practice of using the scent of red herring in training hounds because the smell is good for disguising other odours.

10. To have a knees-up
You don't get more British than a knees-up and this expression first appeared in the music-hall song Knees Up, Mother Brown.

11. Dressed to the nines
This was first recorded by the poet Robert Burns but others have suggested it was originally 'dressed to the eyes'. which in medieval English would have been 'to then eyne'.

12. To beat around the bush
In medieval times game birds were scared out of their hiding places under bushes and then killed. Hitting the bush directly could prove dangerous, hence the analogy.

13. To wet your whistle
This first appears in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales. The word 'whistle' refers to a mouth.

14. Not enough room to swing a cat
The true origin of this saying is unclear, with many supposing it is to do with swinging a cat o' nine tails in a small ship's cabin, though this has been disputed. 

15. Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey 
This phrase was first recorded in America in the mid-1880s. Some believe it originated from the Napoleonic wars and derived from the brass plate (called a monkey) that cannonballs were stacked on. When it was cold, the brass would contract and the balls would fall off. Others think this is unlikely and merely refers to the extremities on actual brass monkeys.

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11 Awesome British Phrases

Here are the definitions and backstories of several common British phrases that should definitely be added to your arsenal of idioms if they're not already...

http://twentytwowords.com/11-awesome-british-phrases-that-americans-should-start-using-asap/

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Scroll down the page for the comments. There are some contributions from readers.

15 Grammatically Correct Sentences That Most People Find Impossible To Understand

Interesting! Have fun!

http://m.Tickld.com/x/15-grammatically-correct-sentences-that-most-people-find-impossible

‘The Chaos’ by Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870 – 1946)

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

‘The Chaos’ by Gerard Nolst Trenite (1870 – 1946)

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhymes with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough?

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is give it up!