The Power of Words

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Too often, we underestimate the power of words. Words have meanings. When you put them together they ‘speak’. They have the power to motivate, inspire, heal, or to hurt, humiliate and to humble. Hurtful and harsh words can reduce a person to tears, or scar a person for life. Kind and gentle words can soothe, heal and are uplifting.

The power of words is immense. A well-chosen word has often sufficed to stop a fight, or turn a situation around – from defeat to victory. That is how powerful words are. They are like keys. If you choose them right, they can open any heart and shut any mouth.

Words can transform lives. Sometimes what they say doesn’t matter much. But sometimes, what they say can inspire and motivate a person, or crush a person.

Words are free. It’s how you use them, that may cost you. Once the words are uttered, there is no way to recall them, no matter how sorry we are. They can be only forgiven, not forgotten. You might have lashed out in a moment of anger, or thoughtlessness, but the scar is deep and the words can still hurt after a long time.

Think twice before you say a hard word to a man, but never let a chance to say a good one go by. It has been said that kind words are like music of the world, and one kind word can warm three winter months.

When in doubt, when you do not know what to say, don’t say anything. The unspoken word can do no harm.

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Our Minds

Besides a healthy body, a positive and healthy mind is just as important. In fact, the pain of the mind can be worse than the pain of the body.

It is said the mind is everything. What we think, we become. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. Whatever we hold in our mind will tend to occur in our life. If we continue to believe as we have always believed, we will continue to act as we have always acted. If we continue to act as we have always acted, we will continue to get what we have always gotten. If we want different results in our life or our work, all we have to do is change our mind.

Nothing in the world can bother us as much as our mind. It may seem that others are bothering us, but it is not, it is our mind. The good news is, we have power over our mind – not outside events. We can, and we have control of our mind.

Our mind is like a field, a garden, or an Orchard. It needs to be cultivated and not allowed to run wild. If no useful crops, or flowers are planted, then there would be an abundance of useless weeds which will continue to produce their kind.

Tend your mind well by filling it with positive, encouraging, and faith-building thoughts throughout the day. Disorder sets in when the garden is not tended to for some time; the same goes for our mind if we neglect it too long.

The mind is a superb instrument, but at the same time, it is also a dangerous weapon, even to the possessor, if he does not know how to use it properly. Used wrongly, it becomes very destructive.

Your mind can be your best friend and your worst enemy. Failing to understand the workings of one's own mind is bound to lead to unhappiness.

If you let cloudy water settle, it will become clear. If you let your upset mind settle, your course will also become clear.

Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own mind. The only prison we need to escape from is the prison of our own minds. It is our mind, and that alone, that chains us or sets us free.

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The Virtue of Labour

People underestimate the virtue of work. Work is wholesome for the body and good for the mind. It keeps you busy, and your mind active, or idleness which usually comes from nothing to do, may lead you to do what is worse than nothing.

Work is beneficial for us. It organises life. It gives structure and discipline to life. Work gives you a sense of usefulness and accomplishment. Most importantly, having something to do keeps boredom at bay.

The trick is to find something you enjoy doing. They say find something you enjoy doing and you don’t have to work another day in your life. It wouldn’t be work if you enjoy what you do.

It is well researched that unemployment is connected with negative health consequences. People who are unemployed can suffer psychological and social distress. Unemployment leads to stress-related illnesses and a lowered self-esteem and also uncertainty about the future, financial instability, and loss of vocational identity.

It is through strife, through labour that we advance in life, and move on to better things. By persistent labour man may attain excellence. There is no better pride, and sense of accomplishment than enjoying the fruits of our own labour.

Labour is the root of riches.

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Problems

Everybody has problems – all sorts of problems – personal, work, health, relationship… If there is one day when you don’t have a problem, be patient, the problems will surely come.

Sometimes, our problems are a result of our own carelessness. Sometimes, they are caused by others around you. Or, it could be Life, or Nature that throws a spanner in the works creating a problem for you.

However the problem comes about, we should face up to your problems with a positive attitude. Take it as a challenge. Don’t underestimate your ability to deal with problems. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and wisdom.

Problems are not going to go away on their own. You can ignore them. But, they will always be there, waiting for you to solve them. Most problems in the world could have been solved when it was small. So, where possible, nip the problem in the bud when it is still manageable before it escalates. Be done with what is troubling you so that you are free to enjoy your life.

If it is a complicated problem, and you have trouble solving it, it helps to walk away from the problem for a while. Take some time out. The problem will still be there when you get back, but you will be in a better frame of mind and able to see more clearly where the problem lies. Sometimes, problems become clearer when they are left to simmer for a while.

If you think a problem is more than you can manage, seek help. Talk to someone. Tell someone about the problem and see if they can help. They might not be able to help, but they might know someone who can. There is no shame in asking for help.

Problems are part and parcel of life. Only the dead do not have problems. As long as we are alive and kicking, we will face problem after problem. It is through solving, and overcoming our problems that we grow – mentally and spiritually. It is how we learn and accumulate experience.

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Retirement

Retirement is a very nice prospect to look forward to. But, are you really prepared for retirement?

Most working people look forward to retirement. They look forward to the day when they do not have to wake up in the morning, jostle with the crowd during rush hour, to go to the office to a list of tasks waiting for them to do. They long to travel the world, and visit places of interest. They want to engage in their hobbies, or just relax by some beaches enjoying a cocktail or two.

However, there are also people who dread retirement. After a lifetime of working, they suddenly find that there is no reason for them to get up in the morning. They feel lost. They don’t know what to do with their time. Work keeps them occupied. It gives them a sense of accomplishment. Now, they feel useless, wasting time, with nothing to do, and no income at the end of the month. Some of them got really depressed.

Whether you belong to the first group, or second group of people, the day of retirement will come. And you have to prepare for it.

For the first group of people, you have to ask yourself, can your funds sustain your lifestyle in retirement. You don’t want to spend all your money in the first few years of retirement and find that you have no money left in the latter years. That would be sad.

For the second group of people, you have to plan what you are going to do when you retire. Take up a hobby, or if you prefer to work, look for something else to do. You can learn a new skill, get a new job. Or, maybe you can do community service. Do voluntary work. You get to meet people, make friends, and help people who are in need. You will find it fulfilling, and quietly grateful that you are better off than a lot of other people.

Unless you have your retirement mapped out, work, and kind of work is good for you. It keeps you busy. It keeps your mind ticking, occupied, and in working order. It gives you a sense of purpose – a sense of usefulness.

One of the dangers of retirement is that your mind starts to go. You don’t get to exercise the little grey cells, and they begin to slow down and die. Some people, out of boredom, pick up bad habits and their lives go downhill from there.

At the end of the day, by that age, we should have enough sense to do the right thing, do what is best in our interest.

You can click on the picture for a better view.

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Loneliness

Are you feeling lonely or alone?

There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely – in case you are not aware. You can be alone without feeling lonely. You can also be in a crowd and feel terribly lonely. ‘Alone’ is a situation, ‘lonely’ is a negative feeling of isolation, or a longing for connection.

We are born alone, we lead our lives alone, and we die alone. This is a fact of life – an inevitable fact of human existence. It is great to have some company along life’s journey, but despite the company of family and friends, or a spouse, we travel life’s journey on our own. They cannot accompany us throughout life. Each of us has our own destiny.

Being alone can be very nice. You enjoy the solitude and are free to do whatever you like, or you can do nothing at all if you do not wish to. You have ‘alone time’, or ‘me time’ and for those who enjoy their own company, that is one of the best things to have. It is a chance to retreat from the busy, chaotic world outside. No distractions, just pure self indulgence. 

However, not everyone likes the idea of being alone. Indeed, for those who hate being alone, loneliness can be a terrible thing. There is an ache and emptiness in the heart. Some people will do anything to fill that emptiness. If they are not careful, they could end up with bad companies, or bad habits that could ruin their lives.

If you are feeling lonely, take up a hobby, something that you enjoy doing. Or, join a community that has activities that you are interested in. Community gives people a sense of belonging. You mix with people who have the same interest. You make friends. Or you can be a volunteer with a community. The idea is to get active, do something you enjoy! When you are having fun, when you are busy helping others, you have no time to feel lonely.

The people in our lives will not stay with us forever. At some point, we will find ourselves all alone. So, learn to appreciate the pleasure of being alone, learn to enjoy your own company. If you are comfortable with your own company, you will never be lonely.

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Freedom of Speech

Freedom of Speech – what does that even mean? Should freedom of speech include the freedom to tell lies, and provoke violence? At which point should hate speech be banned?

Freedom of speech is a dangerous thing. People want freedom of speech. But they don’t want to be responsible for the consequences of their speech. Maybe if they were held accountable for what they say, they would be more careful.

Not all things are to be spoken of freely even if you are granted the freedom of speech. What you say might be offensive and it would be better if you keep them to yourself. You have the freedom to say what’s on his mind, but you do not have the right to be offensive. Your words should not be hurtful or to the extent of causing public dissent.

I think people who demand freedom of speech are the people who should not be granted freedom of speech.

Just a thought.

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Thought of the Day - Opinions

Opinions are views or judgement one formed about something. They are not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

We form an opinion, or opinions after we have heard, or saw something. How we arrived at our opinions depends on our perception, our intellect and knowledge of the things perceived. These are determined a lot by our feelings. As our inclinations, so our opinions.

It is good that you have an opinion about something. But bear in mind that your opinion is just that, an opinion. Your opinions could be totally wrong and count for absolutely nothing. So, don’t be too insistent about your opinions. The trick is to hold opinions without letting opinions hold you.

When facts challenge your opinion, re-examine your opinion. Change your opinion, if you must. Only the stubborn and foolish do not change their opinions. And generally, those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts.

The usefulness of your opinion is itself, a matter of opinion. So, it is better to keep your opinions to yourself, unless asked.

The opinion which other people have of you is their problem, not yours. What’s important is the opinion you have of yourself. Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you.

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Gossips

Let’s face it. We all gossip. There are few who don’t. The world will be very quiet indeed if people don’t gossip. People would have nothing to say to each other, after talking about the weather to death.

Gossip may be the vocal form of bitch-craft, but it has its humanitarian side too. It is our way of finding out what our mutual friends, colleagues, neighbours and sometimes relatives are up to. It is through this exchange of information that we are updated on the people, events, and things happening around us.

Generally, most gossip is just harmless digs at the expense of the people we know. Some people talk a lot but do not reveal very much. And there are those who spill out everything in the minimum number of words. People with tact will leave out the sordid details, whereas people without tact will spice up the gossips. Though a bit naughty, there is no malice intended, not intentionally, anyway.

Troubles start when we unintentionally say more than we should – like when we pass sensitive information, or information that was meant for our ears only. 

So, there are a couple of things to bear in mind when it comes to gossiping. Never divulge sensitive information told to us in confidence. No matter how juicy the gossip you have, no matter how you are dying to talk about it, get it out – don’t!

Always be mindful of other people’s feelings. If you are unsure whether you should make known certain facts to all and sundry, don’t. If you think that a particular juicy piece of gossip might annoy or hurt someone, then, it is better to hold your tongue. Even if it is something that is going to be common knowledge, you might want to consider whether it will be better if that information comes from someone else. Sometimes, it is not your story to tell.

Do not spread lies, half-truths and untruth when gossiping. Lastly, and most importantly, there is one unbreakable rule in the gossip game. You must never betray your friends.

If we are mindful of what we talk about and to whom, there is no harm in a little gossip now and then. However, bear in mind that whoever gossips with you will gossip about you. Therefore, observe how someone gossips to you. Does he/she just talk without reserve, or does he/she speak cautiously and generally. If people gossip to you without reservation, then you would want to be careful of what you tell them. Because, surely, they will gossip freely about you too. But if what they gossip about are mundane, general stuff and are tight-lipped about personal stuff, then they are people whom you can trust.

What do you think? Is it all right to gossip? Feel free to share your thoughts on the subject.

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Money, Money, Money

Money – a medium for exchange for goods and services. Having money is a way of being free of money.

I am sure all of us would like to have a little more money than we have so that we do not have to worry about money. People work harder than necessary so that they can enjoy some extra comforts. Unfortunately, in matters of money, there's no such thing as enough. We all want more money. Some people chase after money at the expense of their health, only to spend the money later chasing after their health.

Many people do not realise that there is more to living than the mere pursuit of money. If you treat money as though it can do everything, you may inevitably end up like those wealthy people with an empty life. Money may buy you a lot of things, but there are also a lot of things that money can’t buy – like peace of mind, happiness, love, character, common sense, trust, integrity… the list goes on.

Money in itself has no inherent good or evil. Money, when used correctly lets you live a comfortable life. But when we give it too much importance, or if we misuse it, we become slaves to money. And when people are forced to steal, rob, or kill for money because of a lack of money, money becomes the root of all evils.

Spend your money wisely. Spend within your means. Never spend more than you make and never spend your money before you have it. Don’t spend money on things you don't need to keep up with the Jones, or to impress people. It is important that we make it a habit to save some of our hard-earned money for a rainy day, and for our twilight years. And never borrow money. Every time you borrow money, you're robbing your future self.

Save money and money will save you. That doesn’t mean you must be a miser and save every penny you earn. It is all right to, once in a while, pamper yourself, buy yourself a present. Go for a nice meal at a nice restaurant. Have fun. Go on a trip. After all, you can’t take your money with you when you die.

Manage your money well. If you know how to make your money ‘stretch’, you do not need to have a lot of money. Similarly, if you do not know how to manage your money, you will find that you always do not have enough. Gain control over your money or the lack of it will forever control you.

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Peace of Mind

Peace of mind is when we are in a state of mental and emotional calmness. We feel at ease, peaceful, relaxed and are not bothered by events – whether personal or general affairs. It is not the absence of conflict. There will always be conflict of one kind or another. Rather, it is not letting the conflicts affect you. It is the ability to shut out the ‘noises’.

Peace of mind can be achieved, but it needs effort and it is not going to happen overnight. Ways to achieve peace of mind are through meditation and mindfulness. Meditation and practising mindfulness will bring inner calm. These take practice and lots of patience.

Managing our emotions, cultivating patience, feeling content and accepting of life’s circumstances. These are requisites to cultivating inner peace. When we are able to understand and accept life for what it is, and move with the flow of life, we will be on our way to achieving peace of mind. When we learn to let go, and take life in our stride; when we do not allow people or events to control, and affect our emotions, we will have peace of mind.

Nothing is more important or valuable to a person than peace of mind. If we could achieve peace of mind, it could well be the greatest achievement in our life.

Peace can only be found within. If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else. One can be peaceful even in a crowd or amid strife. On the other hand, one could be all alone and still not feel at ease, or at peace. To be able to remain calm and collected in this chaotic world, you would be a success in Life.

Peace of mind is a valuable asset, the greatest asset to have. I wish you success in your search for peace.

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How Singapore Became Obsessed With Shade

Marina Bay Promenade

"How Singapore Became Obsessed With Shade". This is report in the BBC news by Sam Bloch. An interesting read.

You can read about it - 👉 HERE

Gardens by the Bay

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Don’t Worry, Be Happy

It is natural to worry. Everybody worries once in a while when they're faced with a serious problem and aren't too sure of a solution. However, worry becomes a problem if you worry constantly, or if the worry causes more distress than resolution.

You have to understand that worry will not do any good. It would be better to think if there is anything you can do to solve the problem, or the situation. If there is nothing you can do then you should just enjoy the day and forget about the problem.

Worrying is not only a waste of time, it will also take away your peace. We don’t know what’s yet to happen. For all your worrying, your fear may not even come through. Even if they do come true, you are wasting your life worrying before it happens. The thing to do would be to do your best, and be prepared for the worst, while going about your life.

Stop worrying about how everything is going to turn out. Things will turn out just fine and as they should be. And if they do not, you can worry about it when the time comes. Do not let your mind become cluttered with worry. If you look back on the worries you had in the past, you will find that most of them are over nothing – they all seem insignificant now.

In life, good and bad things happen. It is the order in Life, whether you like it or not. Worrying won’t stop bad things from happening, but it will prevent you from enjoying your life. Keep living and don’t stress over what you can’t control. Do not worry about what is ahead. Live one day at a time; better yet, make the most of this moment.

Worrying is not fun; it is very draining, and very detrimental to the human body. This is called stress, and stress will either mutate or kill the very cells of your physical body. If you’ve done the very best you can, worrying won’t make it any better. So, why worry?

Here’s a little song for you. Don’t Worry, Be Happy.

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Problems Are Part And Parcel Of Life

Everybody has problems – all sorts of problems – health, work, relationship… Problems are part and parcel of life. It is through solving, and overcoming our problems that we grow – mentally and spiritually. It is how we learn and accumulate experiences.

Sometimes, our problems are a result of our own carelessness. Sometimes, they are caused by others around you. Or, it could be Life, or Nature that throws a spanner in the works creating a problem for you. However it is, when problems come, we have to deal with them. Problems are not going to go away on their own. You can ignore them. But, they will always be there, waiting for you to resolve them. It is better to deal with any problems that come your way and get it over with.

Face up to your problems with a positive attitude. Take it as a challenge. Don’t underestimate your ability to deal with problems. If it is a complicated problem, and you have trouble solving it, it helps to walk away from the problem for a while. Take some time out. The problem will still be there when you get back, but you will be in a better frame of mind and able to see more clearly where the problem lies. Some decisions actually improve when they are left to simmer for a while.

If you think a problem is more than you can manage, seek help. Talk to someone. Tell someone about the problem and see if they can help. They might not be able to help, but they might know someone who can. There is no shame in asking for help.

I am sure your friends talk to you about their problems. If you can help, by all means do help. That’s what friends are for. However, sometimes, they don’t really need your help. They just need a listening ear. They need to get it off their chest, so to speak. All you have to do is listen sympathetically.

Whatever you do, do not let other people’s problems become your problems. You have enough problems of your own. If there is one day when you don’t have a problem, be patient, the problems will surely come.

Most problems in the world could have been solved when it was small. So, where possible, nip the problem in the bud when it is still manageable before it escalates. Be done with what is troubling you so that you can enjoy your life.

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Patience

Patience is a virtue. It is also a form of wisdom. It is a result of understanding, and acceptance. When we know that something is beyond our control, and being impatient would not do us any good, we keep our calm and wait for things to sort themselves out. Some things can’t be rushed. They happen at their own time, and being patient will achieve more than force.

Patience is having control over our feelings and impulses that rises suddenly when something disagreeable happens. Keeping calm and a level head, we maintain our peace of mind.

I am sure the following situation will sound familiar. There are two long queues – be it at the check-out counters in the supermarkets, or the airport immigration counters. You join the shorter queue, happy that you do not have a longer wait – that you could save some time. Then, for some reason, the other queue is moving faster than the queue you joined.

When you saw a chance, you hopped over to the queue that was moving faster, only to realise that it was a mistake. The queue you joined earlier is now moving rapidly. You cursed and swore. You fumed. You were annoyed and unhappy. You were in a foul mood because you were impatient.

That is a simple example which many can relate to. But say, if we can look at the situation positively, and even have a laugh at Sod’s law happening, and let it go at that, it would still be all right. If only you can still maintain your calm, then all is not loss. You understood what happened. It was not something you foresaw, or could do anything about. It’s an unfortunate incident. It happened. Just accept it and move on. You could still have a pretty nice day, and not let the incident spoil your day.

Sometimes, little incidences like this throughout the day can add up. They made you feel like you had a lousy day. But if you were able to dismiss each and every of these incidents, and not let them bother you, you would still have a good day and not feel that the day was ruined.

Patience is being at peace with the process of life. Misfortunes might befall us, as they sometimes will. There is nothing we can do about it. We have to endure the painful situation, until the situation improves, or until we get over the affliction. Even if it is a lifetime affliction, what cannot be altered is made lighter by patience and acceptance.

Patience is more than just waiting patiently. It is the ability to remain cool and collected while waiting. And the secret to that is to find something to do while you wait. This will keep your mind off the waiting.

Finally, being patient with others shows respect for them. People will thank you and appreciate your patience.

Patience is key to a lot of things. Think about it.

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Hope

As long as there is life, there is hope. We all hope. It's what keeps us going. If there were no hope, people would just live to survive. With hope, we dream, think and work. Hope gives a person the confidence to step out and try. Without a minimum of hope, we cannot so much as start the struggle.

Hope is a precious commodity. It is a force, powerful an indispensable. If life is to be sustained, we must hope. We must carry hope in our hearts, regardless of the state of the world that surrounds us. Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope.

Hope is the best possession. Hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up. It makes the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.

Our hopes are not always realised, but we always hope. And sometimes we hope against hope. That is why we should not deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have. In all things, it is better to hope than to despair. Hang on to hope for none are completely wretched but those who are without hope.

Never lose hope. You never know what tomorrow may bring. As long as we have hope, we have direction, the energy to move, and the map to move by.

The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Keeping yourself busy takes your mind of whatever unpleasant situations you are encountering.

Hope gives us the courage to confront our circumstances and the capacity to surmount them. Hope is the small voice inside that says, ‘Try it one more time.’ If it were not for hopes, our hearts would break.

When we run out of options, we turn to hope. We hope for the best, but we should also be prepared for any eventuality.

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Forgive Everyone, And Forgive Yourself

It is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. But if we can forgive others, shouldn’t we forgive ourselves too? Of course, we must. We must forgive ourselves the wrongs that we have done, the wrong decisions we made, and the things that we said unintentionally, and/or in a moment of anger. We must forgive ourselves the times that we have let ourselves down, or when we let our friends, and our loved ones down.

We are humans after all. We are not perfect. We have our faults and failings. We have our problems, troubles, and inevitably in a moment of anger, or frustration, we could have lashed out without thinking. Our regret, our guilt for doing that is punishment enough. As long as we are aware of our mistakes, and take care not to repeat them, or where circumstances allow, we take steps to make amends, we should be at peace with ourselves. Rather than keep dwelling on it, we should let it go and move on.

We are all learning, and improving ourselves. We do the best we can, with what we have, and what we know. Sometimes, our best is not the best. Sometimes, our knowledge is limited, and we do not know better. We are ignorant of a lot of things. Therefore, we can only do what we thought was the best thing to do at the time. If we were all so clever, wise, and all knowing, there wouldn’t be any mistakes in the world.

So, just as we forgive our friends and loved ones for their misdemeanours, we should also forgive ourselves, ours. Emotional baggage are harder to bear than physical ones. Don’t be dragging them around. Let go and be free. Be at peace.

When we can understand our failings, we will also understand that, like us, people are not perfect and have their failings. And when we know that they, like us, are also striving, hurting, and doing their best, we will be more empathetic. It will be easier to forgive them.

It might take some time before we can bring ourselves to forgive someone. That is all right – especially when we were badly hurt. The ability to forgive takes time. We need time to come to terms with the hurt, and pain. It is quite normal.

However, do remember, the sooner you can forgive and move on, the earlier you experience peace of mind. And the more you forgive – whether it is yourself, or others, the more you have your peace of mind. It doesn’t matter whether the person deserves your forgiveness or not. Forgiving is closure so you can move on. It is for our own benefit.

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The Paradox of Deception

I came across this article on lies/deception in my scrap book. Thought I would share it here.

Never mind who is telling lies. The real question is, why are people deceived so easily?

From the half-truths that proliferate in the market-place to the deceits of a lover, from the white lies of everyday life to the denials of the nation’s leaders, deception is pervasive in daily interactions – and, usually, it succeeds.

“We are sort of like Diogenes looking for that one honest person out there, and in looking for that one honest person, we are more likely to be duped,” says Mr. Chris Wetzel, professor of psychology at Rhodes College in Memphis.

He had been analysing a fundamental paradox of these dishonest times: How come people so often see deception coming and still get blindsided by it?

The answer, he and other psychologists who study deceit say, is that suckers are born every minute. In fact, one’s mental health and the social fabric of society practically depend on it.

“We are predisposed to believe.” Says Prof. Wetzel, adding that, except for the most cynical or paranoid people, people live by what is called “the truth bias”. People generally want to believe something is true.

While that proves day after day to be a shaky assumption, it is nonetheless a prerequisite to comprehending what someone is saying.

Most people “don’t have the energy or time to go to the next level of comprehension and question something’s validity,” says Prof. Wetzel. “The busier we are, the less likely we’ll do it.”

To assume what people are telling is true also goes a long way towards not upsetting the apple cart of social interaction. To assume the opposite creates chaos.

Brad Blandford believes people are incapable of knowing when others are lying unless they themselves are totally honest.

“We’ll buy anything. Lying is of epidemic proportions,” he says, blaming it for much of the anxiety, depression and psychosomatic illnesses so prevalent in society today. “So, it turns out that everyone is just guessing about everyone else.”

In many ways, the dynamic of telling and believing lies is what makes truth more of a stranger than fiction, as Mart Twain put it.

Accepting even suspect lies turns out to be the path of least resistance many people choose to follow. Confronting a suspected lie can make a scene, and a lot of people aren’t willing to go through that trouble. Once we believe we’re being fed a line, it is more difficult and socially awkward to call someone on a lie than to let it go or give them the benefit of the doubt.

Further complicating matters is the element of unconscious collusion – when the deceived prefers the lie to the truth.

Psychologist Bella DePaulo found that about a quarter of lies told to those who are close are “altruistic lies” – the no-you-don’t-look-fat kind of fibs supposedly contrived for the person’s own good. They are lying to spare someone else’s feelings.

And there are even the more serious lies, she says. “Take, for example, an affair. You don’t know for sure if it is happening, and you wish it is not happening. And if you see through the lie to the truth that is being hidden, it can be a disaster.”

Besides, people simply are not good at detecting lies. Despite studies trying to identify the tell-tale behaviours that accompany a lie, “there is no perfectly reliable sign of lying, no Pinocchio’s nose”, says Ms DePaulo.

Part of that is because different people tell lies differently. And the very behaviours and attributes that make someone seem to be believable are also what she has found common among those who tell the most lies.

“If you feel really sure someone is lying,” warns Ms DePaulo, “it is just likely they are telling the truth.”

Seeing Spirits

Can Cats and Dogs See Spirits?

Click on the link to read the article

Argument

Click on the link to see the article.

How to Remain Calm During an Argument or Conflict Situation Backed by Science