The Paradox of Deception

I came across this article on lies/deception in my scrap book. Thought I would share it here.

Never mind who is telling lies. The real question is, why are people deceived so easily?

From the half-truths that proliferate in the market-place to the deceits of a lover, from the white lies of everyday life to the denials of the nation’s leaders, deception is pervasive in daily interactions – and, usually, it succeeds.

“We are sort of like Diogenes looking for that one honest person out there, and in looking for that one honest person, we are more likely to be duped,” says Mr. Chris Wetzel, professor of psychology at Rhodes College in Memphis.

He had been analysing a fundamental paradox of these dishonest times: How come people so often see deception coming and still get blindsided by it?

The answer, he and other psychologists who study deceit say, is that suckers are born every minute. In fact, one’s mental health and the social fabric of society practically depend on it.

“We are predisposed to believe.” Says Prof. Wetzel, adding that, except for the most cynical or paranoid people, people live by what is called “the truth bias”. People generally want to believe something is true.

While that proves day after day to be a shaky assumption, it is nonetheless a prerequisite to comprehending what someone is saying.

Most people “don’t have the energy or time to go to the next level of comprehension and question something’s validity,” says Prof. Wetzel. “The busier we are, the less likely we’ll do it.”

To assume what people are telling is true also goes a long way towards not upsetting the apple cart of social interaction. To assume the opposite creates chaos.

Brad Blandford believes people are incapable of knowing when others are lying unless they themselves are totally honest.

“We’ll buy anything. Lying is of epidemic proportions,” he says, blaming it for much of the anxiety, depression and psychosomatic illnesses so prevalent in society today. “So, it turns out that everyone is just guessing about everyone else.”

In many ways, the dynamic of telling and believing lies is what makes truth more of a stranger than fiction, as Mart Twain put it.

Accepting even suspect lies turns out to be the path of least resistance many people choose to follow. Confronting a suspected lie can make a scene, and a lot of people aren’t willing to go through that trouble. Once we believe we’re being fed a line, it is more difficult and socially awkward to call someone on a lie than to let it go or give them the benefit of the doubt.

Further complicating matters is the element of unconscious collusion – when the deceived prefers the lie to the truth.

Psychologist Bella DePaulo found that about a quarter of lies told to those who are close are “altruistic lies” – the no-you-don’t-look-fat kind of fibs supposedly contrived for the person’s own good. They are lying to spare someone else’s feelings.

And there are even the more serious lies, she says. “Take, for example, an affair. You don’t know for sure if it is happening, and you wish it is not happening. And if you see through the lie to the truth that is being hidden, it can be a disaster.”

Besides, people simply are not good at detecting lies. Despite studies trying to identify the tell-tale behaviours that accompany a lie, “there is no perfectly reliable sign of lying, no Pinocchio’s nose”, says Ms DePaulo.

Part of that is because different people tell lies differently. And the very behaviours and attributes that make someone seem to be believable are also what she has found common among those who tell the most lies.

“If you feel really sure someone is lying,” warns Ms DePaulo, “it is just likely they are telling the truth.”