Shyness

Another article on Shyness 

A shy person wants very much social success — wants to be liked by other people but is afraid to make the first step. Behind his or her timid behaviour hides an inner storm. Shy people continually think of themselves in a negative way and are excessively preoccupied with what others think of them. Instead of simply meeting and talking with friends, they wildly build plans about how to make a favourable impression on them. At the same time they are so worried that they actually begin to experience physical symptoms of stress — their adrenaline rushes, their heart accelerates and their whole body prepares to flee. 

Shy people should not be confused with introverts — persons who are focused on their inner world, who prefer solitude by their very nature. Introverts know how to be with others, are not afraid to socialize and have a healthy sense of self-esteem which is necessary for successful interaction among people but they are content to be alone. Shy people, however, like very much to be with others but they lack the social skills and the self-esteem to accomplish this. 

Shyness has many unpleasant consequences: it is difficult for shy people to meet people and start new friendships. This frequently leads to loneliness and even depression. Shy people have difficulty thinking clearly in the presence of others. They often behave in a conceited way or as if they are not interested in others while they are simply worried about possible rejection. They constantly obsess about everything associated with their behaviour and appearance. Shy people are so shy that they can be intimidated by their own shyness. Their main trouble is that they spend so much time on their self-preoccupation that they have no time or interest to look outside. (Please note that the shy person may not be conscious of his or her behaviour as described above.) 

On a positive note, shy people frequently have a gift of knowing how to listen to others. It is easy for them to learn to pay attention to and empathize with others. They usually have close and loyal friends who value and respect them. And we always need people who know how to hear us out. 

- Source Unknown 

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people. - André Dubus 

The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid. - Lady Bird Johnson 

Shyness

An article on Shyness.

Shyness plagues millions of people every day. It invades all professions. Age, socio-economic status and race matter not. 

What is shyness? 

Shyness is a complex combination of feelings and behaviours that each person experiences in his own unique way. Though the intensity may vary from one person to another, most consider it an experience they would rather do without. 

A shy person is defined as ‘an individual who consistently has difficulty making conversation with others or experiences severe physical symptoms of anxiety in social situations. 

For the majority of people, shyness means occasional awkward feelings in certain situations, such as when asking for a raise, meeting new people, or speaking before a group. This type of shyness is due to low self-confidence and a lack of social skills. 

For others, however, shyness may mean a tremendous anxiety that is life disrupting. The chronically shy may find themselves prisoners of their shyness and experience great anxiety and physical discomfort. In its most extreme form, shyness can result in depression and suicide. 

Many shy people experience a painful self-consciousness; a concern about one’s effect on others one’s appearance, or making a good impression. It may involve feelings of inferiority – that one is stupid, ugly, or not as deserving as others; it may cause a person to feel tongue-tied and awkward in social situations. 

The physical symptoms of shyness may include blushing, butterflies, weak knees, jerky body movements, nervous perspiration, and rapid heartbeat. The shy person’s self-consciousness merely aggravates the situation – by concentrating on the symptoms, they frequently become worse, leaving him flustered and embarrassed. 

Shy people are probably their own worst critics. Many see others as constantly evaluating them in a negative way. They often set unrealistically high standards for themselves, which only contribute to feelings of inadequacy. 

It is difficult for a shy person to initiate conversation. So much easier, it seems, to remain quiet rather than risk speaking poorly and making a fool of oneself. Thus, shyness makes it hard to meet new people and make friends, which often leads to feelings of loneliness and depression. 

Many people managed to conceal their shyness. They may still suffer inwardly, but through practice and concentrated effort they appear calm instead of nervous, and are able to function well in public. 

How to overcome shyness? 

Shyness can be overcome. With time and dedicated effort, change is definitely possible! By building a series of successful interactions with others, your self-confidence will increase, your shyness diminish, and your relationships lengthen and deepen in trust. 

The first step is to convince yourself that change is possible, and then dedicate your efforts to making it happen. 

Learn to relax in a 'threatening' situation. Breathing slowly and deeply will help you overcome initial anxiety. If you stay with the frightening situation and do not flee, your fear will subside. 

Smile, make eye contact and give compliments. 

A smile says that you are positively disposed to others. People will notice your smile and will smile back at you. A sad or lowered gaze tells others that you are in a bad mood and do not wish to socialize. 

Looking in the eyes of others shows that you are interested in them and are paying attention to them. Give compliments — people will feel good around you and, therefore, also about being with you. Learn to accept compliments: offer thanks and return the compliment immediately. Then use the moment to begin a real conversation. 

Stop expecting the worst. 

Dark thoughts are emotionally unsettling — they make you nervous and confused causing you to forget what you were trying to say. Fear tends to exaggerate things: therefore, the sooner you jump into the situation you fear, the sooner you will notice that it is much easier on you than you imagined and that much sooner you will understand how unnecessary your dark forebodings were. 

Stop beating yourself up emotionally. 

Every time you meet others, dark thoughts go through your head: "What a stupid thing to say!" "No one likes me!" No one judges you as strictly as you do yourself! Do just the opposite: search for signs that disprove your negative thoughts about yourself. 

Stop demanding perfection from yourself. 

Some of your jokes will not be funny, some of your comments will not be insightful. Your problem is that you expect so much of yourself and fear so much that you will not live up to your own expectations that you condemn yourself to a constant failure. Assign yourself more realistic goals. 

Learn to accept rejection. 

Rejection is a natural risk — everyone in society is exposed to it. Do not take it personally — refusal to socialize with you may not be connected with your perceived faults or behaviour at all. 

Finally, the most important thing that you need to overcome your shyness is to break through your self-centeredness. When you socialize with others pay attention to them and not to your timidity. If after meeting you people think ‘it was so nice to be around him/her’ then you have transformed your shyness into social competence. 

- Source Unknown