We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We do not pay enough to expect that you will dress up well; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON:
If you are old, fat or ugly you will be told the position has been filled.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You will need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you figure out what they want and do it.
A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED:
We are still guessing at this point.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You will have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH:
It works okay, but looks very hi-tech.
TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING:
Unbelievable! It actually worked.
THE ENTIRELY CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED:
The only person who understood the thing quit.
I AM EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I have used Microsoft Office.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.
I AM PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I AM EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I have changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO:
I am never at my desk.
I AM HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you do not ask me about all the McJobs I have had.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.