Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian (from Greek, meaning "beyond" and "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

            Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.

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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen 

If there is no light at the end of the tunnel, you’re in a cave. Turn around. - Unknown

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. - Unknown

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten. - George Carlin

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. - Steven Wright

If you need to climb high, make sure you have a mental safety net in place. If you happen to fall, at least you will not go insane. - Unknown

If you think about it, marriage is the main cause of divorce. - Unknown

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. - Unknown

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. - E. E. Cummings

In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular. - Laurence Peter

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order. - Spike Milligan

It does not matter you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. - Darrin Weinberg

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. - Oscar Wilde

I've got a firm policy on gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be the one controlling it. - Clint Eastwood

Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers