A man took four friends to visit a big farm he owned. The visitors entered the tenant farmer’s house and were embarrassed to find the man only had two chairs. They stood around awkwardly until the owner said to the farmer, “I don’t believe you have enough chairs in here.”
“Got enough chairs,” said the farmer. “Just too damn much company!”
At the beginning of a children’s sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?”
The girl replied almost directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”
When the town’s richest citizen died, a curious man was pumping the local attorney to find out how much the wealthy man had really been worth. “How much did he leave?” he asked the attorney.
Replied the clever attorney, “All of it.”