Monday, 13 June 2016

Humorous quotes

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A team is a mutual protection society formed to guarantee that no one person can be to blame for a botched committee job that one man would have performed satisfactorily. - Russell Baker

The government has discovered a great new way of cutting down on unemployment – they're going to raise the school leaving age to forty-seven. - Jerry Dennis

You may not be able to read a doctor’s handwriting and prescription, but you’ll notice his bills are neatly typewritten. - Earl Wilson 

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions. - Woody Allen

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde

They say all marriages are made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. - Mickey Mantle

I know I’ve got Irish blood because I wake up every day with a hangover. - Unknown

Tattoos transform us from raw animals into cooked cultural beings. - Claude Levi-Strauss

We’ve had bad luck with our kids – they’ve all grown up. - Christopher Marley 

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard. - Andy Borowitz 

Men should be like Kleenex; soft, strong and disposable. - Unknown

Food for thought gives some folks indigestion. - Ken Alstad

Money talks. If it's the dollar, it's small talk. - Croft Pentz

Rehab is for quitters! - Unknown

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