Humorous Quotes

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Heartbreak was the impetus to me writing poems and music in the first place. Over the years, I had my heart broken so badly that if I didn’t find a way to get all the pain out, I was going to lose my mind. I was crazy! Like, wanting to slash tires and smash car windows. Crazy! I was so hurt that I had to write. - Jill Scott

When you get old, you can't talk to people because people snap at you.... That's why you become deaf, so you won't be able to hear people talking to you that way. - Edward Albee

You can't be as old as I am without waking up with a surprised look on your face every morning: "Holy Christ, whaddya know  – I'm still around!" - Paul Newman

Show me someone with a skull and crossbones etched on his flesh, and I'll show you someone who doesn't go on a lot of job interviews. - Amy Linden

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. - Unknown

It's unpleasant to play poker with a poor loser, but it's much better than playing with any kind of winner. - Evan Esar

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober. - William Butler Yeats

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. - Phyllis Diller

Getting struck by lightning is like winning the lottery, except of course, not as lucky. - Jarod Kintz

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off! - Unknown

After a man passes sixty, his mischief is mainly in his head. - Edgar Watson Howe

You can’t drink all day if you don't start in the morning. - Unknown

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