Humorous Quotes

I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster, or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of death from being a total surprise. - Chuck Palahniuk

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely fool proof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. - Douglas Adams

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. - Doug Larson

Curiosity, that’s what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It’s our own hearts and minds. - Woody Allen

Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it. - Samuel Johnson

Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one… only if morning began after noon. - Tony Smite

One day, when push comes to shove, I’m going to learn this door needs pulled to be opened. - Unknown

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts. - Jeff Foxworthy

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. - Mark Twain

Dogs come when they’re called. Cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

He who knows how to loaf is wiser than three sages. - Abraham Miller

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. - Mae West

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