Humour

Instead of saying “Have a nice day”, I think I’ll start saying, “Have the day you deserve”. You know, let Karma sort that shit out. - Unknown

Marry someone who can cook. Looks go away, but hunger don’t. - Unknown

Silence is golden. Unless you have kids – then it’s suspicious. - Unknown

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings. - Doug Larson

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other. - Laurence J. Peter

Never look down on anyone unless you are admiring their shoes. - Unknown

Duct tape can’t fix stupid. But it can muffle the sound. - Unknown

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t. - Louis C. K.

Never in the history of calming down has anyone ever calmed down by being told to calm down. - Unknown

If someone says, “You’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep in ‘til noon. Problem solved. - Unknown

To me, ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it. - Unknown

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