Sunday, 20 January 2008

Why do friendships break up?

Have you ever wonder why friendships break up? Or how come you and your friend were best of pals at one stage, and then you were not friends anymore? There are many reasons why a friendship failed.

Communication and/or the lack of communication is a common cause for a friendship to break up. When there is a lack of communication, it could be construed as we are not interested in being friends. On the other hand, misunderstanding arising from a communication, and not clearing up the misunderstanding immediately, often puts a dent in the friendship. This unhappiness builds up until such time when the situation is beyond repair.

Marriages have also caused friendships to fade, as our spouse might not take to our friends, or vice versa. Besides, when people marry, there is bound to be some adjustment in their relationship with their friends. Their priority, and responsibility will be more on the family. The married man would not have as much time to hang out with his friends.

It is also true that very often, we take our friends for granted. We assumed that all is well, that our friends will always be there for us. We did not play our part in maintaining the friendship. By the time we realized something is amiss, it is too late.

Then there are friendships that die because they have simply run their course. People stop calling each other - weeks turn into months and then years and by then it was too late to resuscitate the friendship. No quarrel, no disagreement, no underlying unhappiness or animosity. Just like that.

As with all things in life, nothing lasts forever. When a friendship has died, let it go. Don’t feel bad or guilty about it. If the friendship is so important to us, or the other party, we would have made more effort to keep it going. Friendship is a two way process. It takes two people to want to keep the friendship alive - to put in the necessary effort, to maintain, and cultivate the friendship. Otherwise, the friendship will not last.

Times change, people change. Friends come and go in our lives. We cannot keep all our friends. That is impossible. We only have time for a few friends. Therefore we should choose our friends carefully. Choose people who we are sure about, who are worth their name, to be our friends.

There are lifelong friends, and lifelong friendships. However, we must put in a little effort; we must play our part in keeping the friendship alive, and we must value our friends a little more. Most importantly, we should make sure that we are a friend too!


Sue said...

A popular email goes around within my circle of acquaintances -- something like this... have friends for a reason, or a season, or a lifetime.
Friends for a reason -- they come into your life for some purpose, and then they fade away when their purpose is fulfilled.
Friends for a season -- they come into your life at a time when you need them, and they last as long as that time requires.
Friends for a lifetime -- transcends the others, and they are the foundation on which you can build your life.

I have many friends, for which I am very grateful. When a friendship breaks up, it is incredibly painful. I have several of those, as well. My other friends have comforted me with the "reason, season, lifetime," idea.

Netizen101 said...

Hello Sue,

Yes, that 'Friends for a reason, for a season, and for a Lifetime' email has been making the rounds.

I quite believe what it said - actually.