Love and Marriage

Romantic love is an illusion. True love is usually very sensible and very unromantic. Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

In the beginning of the relationship, couples see their object of love through rose tinted glasses. They see their love as perfect. They experience this warmth fuzzy feeling of loving and being loved. They feel blissful, and mistakenly think that the rest of their lives together will be like that.

This illusion can be sustained for a while. But when the warm fuzzy feeling wears off, and with increasing familiarity and complexities of daily life, differences emerge and grow. Aspects of the other person which were once invisible or overlooked become obvious. Personality quirks that were once endearing become only tolerable, then annoying.

When the flame of passion dwindles, couples begin to feel disillusioned. They begin to wonder if they have chosen the wrong person to fall in love with. This disenchantment could wear down the marriage, if they do not wise up to it in time, to do something about it.

What most people do not realize is that the real test of love and commitment starts after marriage. It is after marriage that the real work begins. Couples learn to love, to cherish, to accept each other for who they are. They learn to build a life, a family together. To do so they need to constantly rekindle the flame of passion, and where the passion is missing, to ignite it again.

It takes two people to make a marriage works, and the first thing that needs to be done is for both to work at keeping the love alive in the marriage.

People have to be realistic. When you love someone, you do not love him or her all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. But just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, does not mean they do not love you with all they have. And marriage is not only about finding the right partner, it is also about being the right partner.

Communication is very important in a marriage. If something is not right, if you are not happy with certain things, talk about it. Talk, discuss the situation in a logical manner. Make sure your partner gets the message loud and clear. Gentle hints do not always work and never rely on your partner’s ability to read your mind.

Learn to compromise. We all experienced the difficulty of getting along with people at times. And, for two people to come together, and to live as one, there is bound to be some major changes in their lives. There are bound to be differences, disagreement or even argument. But just because two people argue, it does not mean they do not love each other. However, it is important that you do not take radical steps when you are angry. Wait to cool down before you tackle the problems.

Trust is another very important factor for all relationships. Love is more than staring lovey-dovey into each other’s eyes. And if you have to be with each other every minute of the day or otherwise, you start wondering what your partner is up to, or demanding to know what he or her is up to, that’s a sure sign of insecurity and immaturity.

Some degree of mild jealousy experienced when it is clear that your partner inspires affection in other people - this is normal and understandably human. But fierce jealously over his or her every move and word and thought is not a sign of genuinely being in love. Rather it is a sign of possessiveness, insecurity and immaturity.

Humans are freedom seeking people. We need time for solitude and to grow. Couples should give each other space, time and solitude to grow.

Reaffirm your love and feelings for each other now and again. Let your partner knows that you love him or her. Say the three magic words, “I love you”. Say ‘sweet little nothings’. Do something out of the ordinary together. Plan little surprises. Spice up your lives. Let your partner know that you care, that you cherish your life together.

Love is a growing, developing emotion that takes time to flower. It has its deepest roots within oneself, not in the loved one. Love can and will grow. But perhaps it is better to be absolutely sure of yourself, of each other before committing yourself to marriage. It is essential to ask yourself whether you can see yourself living with your partner “till death do us part”; to ask yourself is it true love that you are feeling, before tying the knot, for that means all the difference between happiness and heartache.

When you have made your decision, you must cherish this almost divine and spiritual union. And with a little patience and a little forbearance the marriage will go a long way.

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