A tailor called on James to collect a long-overdue bill. When he arrived, the tailor found James sipping a glass of champagne. “How can you drink champagne when you can’t pay your bills?” demanded the tailor.
“My good man,” James answered, “I assure you the champagne hasn’t been paid for either.”
The barn at Larry and Susan’s farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.
Susan: “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”
Agent: “Whoa there just a minute, Susan, it doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”
Susan, after a pause: “I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
I never suffered from any racism being Jewish. Once, when I was a kid, another kid made a racial slur and I told my dad about it. I’ll never forget what my dad told me. He said, “Gregg, it doesn’t matter what race you are or the colour of your skin. There will always be some people out there who aren’t going to like you – ‘cause you’re irritating.”