Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

I grew intoxicated with my own eloquence. - Benjamin Disraeli

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage. - Will Rogers

I guess we'd be living in a boring, perfect world if everybody wished everybody else well. - Unknown

I had to paraphrase the paraphrase. - Peter Ackroyd

I hate to spread rumours, but what else can one do with them?  - Singer Amanda Lear

I hate vacations. There’s nothing to do. - David Mamet

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato. - Will Ferrell

I have been a believer in the magic of language since, at a very early age, I discovered that some words got me into trouble and others got me out. - Katherine Dunn

I have Immortal longings in me. - William Shakespeare

I have liv'd in such dishonour that the gods Detest my baseness. - William Shakespeare 

I have my faults, but changing my tune is not one of them. - Samuel Beckett

I have the radio on. - Marilyn Monroe to the question ‘Did you have anything on?’

I have often been adrift, but I have always stayed afloat. - David Berry

I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty... but I am too busy thinking about myself. - Edith Sitwell

I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it. - Kyle Schmidt

I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood. - Clarence Darrow

I have taken up photography because it’s the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail. - Unknown