Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on. - Unknown

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own? - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I always admired atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith. - Diane Frolov And Andrew Schneider

I always advise people never to give advice. - Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. - Charles Lamb

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can’t remember what the third thing is. - Fred Allen

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish I'll know how it turned out. - Nora Ephron

I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn. - C. E. Cowman

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin

I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one. - Clarence Darrow

I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of. - Clarence Darrow

I am an idealist. I do not know where I am going, but I am on my way. - Unknown

I am ashamed of confessing that I have nothing to confess. - Fanny Burney

I am devilishly afraid, that's certain; but . . . I'll sing, that I may seem valiant. - John Dryden

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W. C. Fields