Humorous Quotes

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute. - Rebecca West

What’s the use you learning to do right, when it’s troublesome to do right and ain’t no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same? - Mark Twain

If the people were a little more ignorant, astrology would flourish – if a little more enlightened, religion would perish. - Robert Green Ingersoll

I am in favour of cutting taxes under any circumstances and for any excuse, for any reason, whenever it's possible. - Milton Friedman

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.9 a minute. - Unknown

The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller. - Evan Esar

Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace to the community. - Brigham Young

Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment. - Doug Larson

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. - Earl Wilson

It’s better for people to miss you than to have seen too much of you. - Edward Norton

Patience: what you have when there are too many witnesses. - Unknown

I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy. - Jarod Kintz

Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’