It’s useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love, drunk, or running for office. - Shirley MacLaine
The truth may not set you free, but used carefully, it can confuse the hell out of your enemies. - Laurel K. Hamilton
Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. - Lt. Frank Drebin
I tried to read the Bible, I did, but it always felt like a much less awesome Lord of the Rings. - Kevin Nealon
Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty. - George Eliot
Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play. - William Congreve
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody. - George Burns
The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. - Harlan Elison
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. - Unknown
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart. - Saki
Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes. - Mae West
Trouble with modern children, they do not smart in right place. - Charlie Chan
Click Here for more humorous quotes, or Here for the book ‘Of Wit ‘n’ Humour’
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