Advice to children crossing the street: damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody. - Moms Mabley
Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. - Robert A. Heinlein
Home is where you can say anything you please, because nobody pays any attention to you anyway. - Joe Moore
They love their hair because they’re not smart enough to love something more interesting. - John Green
Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction. - Ken Alstad
I meditate. I burn candles. I drink green tea. And I still want to smack some people. - Unknown
You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither. - Steve Martin
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. - Jack Nicholson
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. - Albert Einstein
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson
Sometimes, too much to drink is barely enough. - Mark Twain
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