Humorous Quotes

Can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him. - Helen Fielding

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. - Unknown

I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better. - Samuel Butler

You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit. - Oscar Wilde

Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day. - Glen Cook

Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman. - Coco Chanel

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy – give one and take ten. - Mark Twain

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. - Robert Benchley

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. - Mark Twain

Vegetarianism - You are what you eat, and who wants to be a lettuce? - Peter Burns

Love... a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage. - Unknown

Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it. - Unknown

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