Humour

Sex is interesting but not totally important. I mean, it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. a man can go 70 years without a piece of ass but he can die in a week without a bowel movement. - Charles Bukowski

Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on? - J. R. R. Tolkien

Women, don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to seventy, it stretches into a condor. - Billy Elmer

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here. - Arthur C. Clarke

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. - Raymond Hull

If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees. - Lao Tzu

Rules should always be bent, if not broken. It's the only way to have any fun. - Alyson Noel

It’s supposed to be automatic, but actually you have to push this button. - John Brunner

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity. - Bill Veeck

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. - Jerry Seinfeld

There's one thing about baldness; it's neat. - Don Herold

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