Humorous Quotes

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. - Henny Youngman

We can't run. We can't pass. We can't stop the run. We can't stop the pass. We can't kick. Other than that, we're just not a very good football team right now. - Bruce Coslet

The opera is like a husband with a foreign title: expensive to support, hard to understand, and therefore a supreme social challenge. - Cleveland Amory

Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress. When I get fed up with one, I spend the night with the other. - Anton Chekhov

When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a co-defendant. - Ambrose Briece

Art consists of limitation. The most beautiful part of every picture is the frame. - G. K. Chesterton

Some people think that doctors and nurses can put scrambled eggs back in the shell. - Cass Canfield

I guess money can't buy happiness if you shop in the wrong places. - Nora Roberts

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most. - Ozzy Osbourne

More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices. - Evan Esar

Every survival kit should include a sense of humour. - Unknown

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