Doctor: I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now.
Patient: I don’t do that Astrolog stuff.
Doctor: Me neither, my thermometer just broke!
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, he bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home.
I went to the psychiatrist today. She told me I had a split personality and charged me 160 dollars. I gave her 80 dollars and told her to get the rest from the other idiot.
If you can’t think of a word say, “I forgot the English word for it.” That way, people will think you are bilingual instead of an idiot.
Two women in a bus fought bitterly over the last available seat. The conductor had already tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted to the conductor, “Let the ugly one take the seat.” Both women stood for the rest fo the journey. Argument done!
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