Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Musicians don’t retire; they stop when there’s no more music in them. - Louis Armstrong

My friend, when a man has anything to tell in this world, the difficulty is not to make him tell it, but to prevent him from telling it too often. - George Bernard Shaw

My friends tell me that I have a tendency to point out problems without offering solutions, but they never tell me what I should do about it. - Daniel Gilbert

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. - Benjamin Disraeli

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m Happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right? - Charles M. Schulz

My life story? I don't know. I'm making it up as I go along. - Unknown

My mind is not a bed to be made and remade. - James Agate

My people and I have come to an agreement which satisfied us both. They are to say what they please, and I am to do what I please. - Frederick The Great

My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. - Euripides

My toughest fight was with my first wife. - Muhammad Ali

Never again will I spend another winter in this accursed bucketshop of a refrigerator called England. - Rudyard Kipling

Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not know the difference. - Mark Twain

Never attempt to murder a man who is committing suicide. - Woodrow Wilson 

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing.  It is a waste of time and annoys the pig. - Robert Heinlein

Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. - Robert C. Edwards

Life

Most of us take our life on this planet for granted. When something drastic happens, it  forces us to re-evaluate the reason we are here and why we do what we do. Calamities, illness and death are the greatest teachers and awakeners. They shake us up and take us out of our comfort zone and illusion of separation. Our struggles and hardships give us opportunities to grow and realize that life is a temporary gift for us to cherish, and be grateful for. Unfortunately, because we are slow in learning this lesson, existence throws more challenges our way to help us wake up and re-evaluate the way we live our life. The ups and downs of life teach us that anything can happen at any moment, so we can’t take things, people, our health, or life for granted. - Unknown

A meaningful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect … it is about being real, being humble, being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a gull, happy and contented life. - Unknown

Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes an visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that’s okay. - Unknown

In the end, only three things matter; how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. - Buddhist Saying

Life is about laughing and living in good and bad times. Getting through whatever comes our way and looking back with a smile. - Unknown

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote

The rest of your life could be the best of your life. - Unknown

Quote Worthy

The generality of men are naturally apt to be swayed by fear rather than reverence, and to refrain from evil rather because of the punishment that it brings than because of its own foulness. - Aristotle

There is probably an element of malice in our readiness to overestimate people – we are, as it were, laying up for ourselves the pleasure of later cutting them down to size. - Eric Hoffer

The height of stupidity is most clearly demonstrated by the individual who ridicules something he knows nothing about. - Albert Einstein

What has puzzled us before seems less mysterious, and the crooked paths look straighter as we approach the end. - Jean Paul Richter 

Understand that not everything is meant to be understood. Live, let go, and don’t worry about what you can’t change. - Unknown

Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them. - Unknown

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. - Thomas Carlyle

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by. - John Sales

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. - Josh Billings

What’s meant to be will always find a way. - Trisha Yearwood

Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends. - Aristotle

Learn To Enjoy Being Alone

10 Amazing things that will happen when you learn to enjoy being alone

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/10/10-amazing-things-will-happen-learn-enjoy-alone.html

Quote Worthy

Your mind, while blessed with permanent memory, is cursed with lousy recall. Written goals provide clarity. By documenting your dreams, you must think about the process of achieving them. - Gary Ryan Blair

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential ... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. - Confucius

Understand that you own nothing, everything that surrounds you is temporary, only the love in your heart will last forever. - Unknown

Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water and family will cross you quicker than strangers. - Unknown

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music. - Angela Monet

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Mark Twain

The best of all ways to lengthen our days is to steal a few hours from the night. - Charles Lamb

It is a fact that you project what you are. - Norman Vincent Peale

The golden age never was the present age. - Benjamin Franklin

No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking. - Voltaire

Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure. - Lord G. G. Bryon

Silent gratitude isn’t very much use to anyone. - Gertrude Stein

Quote Worthy

Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free. - Thich Hhat Hanh

You smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, how you leave others feeling after having an experience with you becomes your trademark. - Unknown

How foolish is man! He ruins the present while worrying about the future, but weeps in the future by recalling his past! - Ali Ibn Abi Talib

The mere process of growing old together will make the slightest acquaintance seem a bosom friend. - Logan Smith

We ought to consider the ‘ifs’ now and then. Thinking about ‘if’ sometimes prepares us for when. - Unknown

Sometimes people are beautiful; Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are. - Unknown

Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. - Jane Wells

The whole is simpler than the sum of its parts. - Willard Gibbs

If you want to catch more fish, use more hooks. - Gracie Allen

When everything has to be right, something is not. - Stanislaw Lec

Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm. - Publius Syrus

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn. - Don Herold

Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

May evil spirits be confused on the way to your door. - George Carlin

May you never forget what is worth remembering; Or remember what is best forgotten. - Unknown

May your every wish be granted. - Ancient Chinese Curse

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction. - Ashleigh Brilliant 

Merely innocent flirtation. Not quite adultery, but adulteration. - Lord G. G. Bryon

Middle Age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?" - Sydney J. Harris

Misers make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

Money doesn’t buy happiness? Well it does buy a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? Yeah, I thought so. - Unknown

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen 

Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye. - Unknown

Moping melancholy And moon-struck madness. - John Milton

More people should learn to tell their dollars where to go instead of asking them where they went. - Roger Babson 

Most human beings are quite likeable if you do not see too much of them. - Robert Lynd

Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. - Woody Allen 

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. - Fred Allen

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. - Unknown

Murder, like talent, seems occasionally to run in families. - G. H. Lewes

Forgiveness

No matter how much pain someone has caused  you, forgiving them is an essential part to letting go. Forgiveness doesn’t not mean you accept or condone their actions or that you agree with that persons behaviour, but rather that you are no longer allowing that person’s actions to emotionally cause you pain and suffering. Forgiveness can be done while still separating yourself from that person physically as well. There is no stronger action you can provide yourself. To forgive someone for hurting you allow you to finally let go of the pain and the hurt they caused you. You cannot overcome pain and anger with more pain and anger, but only by compassion and goodness. Forgiveness will essentially free you. - T. Young

Quote Worthy

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be. Your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. - James Allen

Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to and makes up his mind to do. We are capable of greater things than we realize. - Norman Vincent Peale

Love and kindness are the universal languages of the world. There is no need for translation, as every heart understands. - Unknown

Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you, because they can’t handle what’s right about you. - Unknown

The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing it exactly right. - Edward C. Simmons

Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure. - Napoleon Hill

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. - Josh Billings

Creditors have better memories than debtors. - Benjamin Franklin

It is double pleasing to trick the trickster. - Jean de la Fontaine

Sometimes, to do nothing is to do something. - Leo Buscaglia

None knows the weight of another’s burden. - George Herbert

Be silent always when you doubt your sense. - Alexander Pope

Uses For Lemons

45 uses for lemons that will blow your socks off

http://www.trueactivist.com/45-uses-for-lemons-that-will-blow-your-socks-off/?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=mam&utm_campaign=mam