Some Jokes

Doing the maths............

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

 He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need  some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

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Scottish Wedding

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has
made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

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SEX

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
 

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Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard!!