Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironic, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you. - Margaret Atwood

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care. - George Bernard Shaw

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill

A gentleman is any man who wouldn’t hit a woman with his hat on. - Fred Allen

A girl must marry for love and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A good listener is usually thinking about something else. - Kin Hubbard

A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. - Gilbert Chesterton

A good sermon leaves you wondering how the preacher knew all about you. - Unknown

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

A homely face and no figure have aided many women heavenward. - Minna Antrim

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost

A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can’t help himself. - Henry Morgan