Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironic, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns. - Mario Puzo

A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde

A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know. - Laurence Peter

A man is lucky if he is the first love of a woman. A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man. - Charles Dickens

A man on a date wonders if he’ll get lucky. The woman already knows. - Monica Piper

A man’s gotta make at least one bet a day, else he could be walking around lucky and never know it. - Jimmy Joones

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent. - Jerome Lawrence

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. - Edmond De Concourt

A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye. - Samuel Grafton

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. - James Dent

A perfect tragedy is the noblest production of human nature. - Joseph Addison

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

A pessimist is one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better. - Unknown