Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. - Dante Gabriel Rossetti

The young are generally full of revolt, and are often pretty revolting about it. - Mignon McLaughlin

There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth. - Agnes Repplier

There are glances of hatred that stab, and raise no cry of murder. - George Eliot

There are plenty of recommendations on how to get out of trouble cheaply and fast. Most of them come down to this: Deny your responsibility. - Lyndon B. Johnson

There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few that we feel like doing today. - Mignon McLaughlin

There are some days I practice positive thinking, and other days I'm not positive I am thinking. - John M. Eades

There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe them. - George Orwell

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying. - Josh Billings

There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em. - Unknown

There are three proven rules for good teeth: brush after every meal; see your dentist twice a year; and mind your own business. - Henry Boyd

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. - William Somerset Maugham

There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go? - Danny Devito

There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. - Mark Twain