Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

This is the first age that's ever paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. - Arthur C. Clarke

Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we’re going to separate destinations. - Martin Terman

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. - Isaac Asimov

Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. - Cullen Hightower

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness. - Dorothy Parker

Though God cannot alter the past, historians can. - Samuel Butler

Time is a versatile performer. It flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out, and will tell. - Franklin P. Jones

Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working. - Unknown

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. - Ashleigh Brilliant 

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet. - Charles Colton 

To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends. - Benjamin Franklin

To give an accurate description of what has never occurred is not merely the proper occupation of the historian, but the inalienable privilege of any man of parts and culture. - Oscar Wilde

To have a good enemy, choose a friend; he knows where to strike. - Diane de Poitiers