Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time. - Vince Lombardi

When a rich man is hurt, his wail goeth heavens high. - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

When I get a headache, I take two Aspirin and keep away from children. Just like it says on the bottle. - Unknown

When nothing goes right … go left. - Unknown

When you can’t make them see the light, make them feel the heat. - Ronald Reagan

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. - Unknown

Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. - Betty White

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

You can do your part to prevent kitchen fires by not letting me cook. - Unknown 

You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they’re wrapped around your throat, she’s probably a bit upset. - Sheila Burke

You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun. - Unknown

You never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something. - Franklin P. Jones

You shouldn’t interrupt my interruptions: that’s really worse than interrupting. - T.S. Ellot