Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

As I grow older, I learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. - Unknown

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know. - Unknown

Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humour. I think it's my modesty that stands out. - Unknown

People who do not use punctuation deserve a long sentence. - Unknown

Silence is the most powerful scream. - Unknown

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people. - Unknown

There is a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. - Stephen Wright

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? - James Thurber

You are evil, but then again, that's part of your charm. - Unknown

You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren’t divisible by two. - Unknown

You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton 

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Joe E. Lewis

Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good. - Smauel Johnson

Your shadow is confirmation that light has travelled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the last few feet – thanks to you. - Unknown