Humorous Quotes

Humorous, quirky quotes – some of which are also profoundly true.

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. - Carrie Bradshaw

Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise. - Alice Walker

Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by fifty percent, they blame it on the cost of living. - Unknown

He will lie, sir, with such volubility, that you would think truth were a fool. - William Shakespeare

How do you know my dim-witted inexperience isn't really a subtle form of manipulation used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to manoeuvre myself within any given situation? - Unknown

I celebrate myself, and sing myself. - Walt Whitman

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Tommy Lee

That’s a valiant flea that dares eat his breakfast on the lip of a lion. - William Shakespeare

The woman who tells her real age is either too young to have anything to lose, or too old to have anything to gain. - Chinese Saying

There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there. - Indira Gandhi

We get too soon old and too late smart. - Unknown

Women's eyes have pierced more hearts than ever did the bullets of war. - William Scott Downey