Humorous Quotes

Humorous, quirky quotes – some of which are also profoundly true.

All the world's a stage, and it's a dead easy guess which sex has all the speaking parts. - Robert Elliot Gonzales

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. - Unknown

Before I was married, I had a hundred theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories. - John Wilmot

Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children! - Unknown

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. - W. Somerset Maugham

Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon. -  Paul Brandt

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. - Jean Kerr

Everyone loses hair, but men do it better - faster, earlier, and more extensively. - Unknown

For 24 years of my adult life, by choice I weighed well over 200 pounds. I say 'by choice' because I have never 'accidentally' eaten anything, so when I choose to eat too much, I have chosen to weigh too much. - Zig Ziglar

I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton

You can agree with me, or you can be wrong. - Edgar Argo