Humorous Quotes

Humorous, quirky quotes – some of which are also profoundly true.

They who drink beer will think beer. - Washington Irving

Timid salesmen have skinny kids. - Zig Ziglar

Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad! - Norm Papernick

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. - Helen Rowland

To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to overcome. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. - Christopher Titus

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. - Paul Ehrlich

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness – I hope you're getting this down. - Woody Allen

To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions. - Benjamin Franklin

Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, yet the youngest you’ll ever be, so enjoy this day while it lasts. - Unknown

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. - Thomas Szasz

Unless you hear it from the horse's mouth, don't listen to a jackass. - Unknown

Walk lightly in the spring; Mother Earth is pregnant. - Native American Indian Proverb