Humorous Quotes

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A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. - Unknown

If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing. - Unknown

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. - Mackey Miller

As long as there are birthday Gifts, I don’t mind celebrating my birthdays every day. - Unknown

A man, a miss. A car, a curve. He kissed the miss and missed the curve. - Unknown

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. - John Ortberg Jr.

I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. - Tom Stoppard

Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. - Red Skelton

Nothing is illegal until you get caught. - Unknown

If at first you don't succeed, order pizza. - Unknown