Paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian (from Greek, meaning "beyond" and "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

            Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.

When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion. - Robert Pirsig

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant – and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

If I make you breakfast in bed, simple ‘thank you’ is all I need. Not all this ‘how did you get in my house?’ business. - Unknown

If you love someone, set them free. If you hate someone, set them free. Basically set everyone free and get a dog. - Unknown

Always think before you speak. You may be able to come up with something twice as insulting. - Unknown

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than the rest of us. Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years. - Unknown

Just burned 2000 calories. That’s the last time I leave bronies in the oven while I nap. - Unknown

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

The greatest influence on a child begins with the birth of his parents. - Les Crane

A friend in need is usually something you don’t need. - Unknown

You’re never too old to learn something stupid. - Unknown

End discrimination. Hate everybody. - Elle Eden

You look like I need another drink. - Unknown

I’m not as dumb as you look. - Unknown

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Life - Quotes

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But frankly, take life as it is – life, I mean, regarded by itself – life on this earth, without a thought of the hereafter, your life, my life, human life in general, considered under its purely earthly aspects and relationships; let us look at it as a whole, and we must admit that it is not all darkness; it has its crimson dawns, its rosy sunsets. It is not all clouds, it is not all winter; but it has its summer days in which ‘it is a luxury to breathe the breath of life.’ - James Platt

How small a portion of our life it is that we really enjoy. In youth, we are looking forward to things that are to come; in old age, we are looking backwards to things that are gone past; in manhood, although we appear indeed to be more occupied in things that are present, yet even that is too often absorbed in vague determinations to be vastly happy on some future day when we have time. - Charles Caleb Colton

How is it that one day life is orderly and you are content, a little cynical perhaps but on the whole just so, and then without warning you find the solid floor is a trapdoor and you are now in another place whose geography is uncertain and whose customs are strange? - Jeanette Winterson

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Quote Worthy

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The difference between harsh words and a sword is that the pain of the sword will last till the minute of your death while the pain of harsh words last forever. - Clarence Constantino

Do not agree to a disagreeable thing spoken by someone you like or disagree to an agreeable thing spoken by someone you dislike. - Ram Mohan

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. - Maya Angelou

If you are willing to do more than you are paid to do, eventually you will be paid to do more than you do. - Unknown

Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with less than what you have. - Unknown

Our wisdom comes from our experience, and our experience comes from our foolishness. - Sacha Guitry

Sloth, like rust, consumes faster than labour wears, while the used key is always bright. - Benjamin Franklin

Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be. - Orson Scott Card

Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow. - L. Ron Hubbard

An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn’t take his education too seriously. - Charles F. Kettering

We must have the courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. - Maxwell Maltz

Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn! - Robert Burns

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Success - Quotes

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Success is a planned outcome, not an accident. Success and mediocrity are both absolutely predictable because they follow the natural and immutable law of sowing and reaping. Simply stated, if you want to reap more rewards, you must sow more. - Tommy Newberry

The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic, and self-complacent is erroneous; on the contrary, it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant, and kind. Failure makes people cruel and bitter. - W. Somerset Maugham

There are some persons who never succeed from being too indolent to undertake anything; and others who regularly fail, because the instant they find success in their power, they grow indifferent, and give over the attempt. - William Hazlitt

A common tendency is to set an almost unreachable standard for success while simultaneously creating a standard for failure that is easy to meet. As a result, you may routinely feel a lot less successful than is necessary. - Rom Newberry

Remember, success is buried on the other side of rejection. There are no real successes without rejection. The more rejection you get, the better you are, the more you've learned, the closer you are to your outcome. - Anthony Robbins

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Plants

Now, this is interesting ...

Plants can think, choose and remember

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/research-reveals-plants-can-think-choose-remember

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Humorous Quotes

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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to Heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven. - Unknown

I changed all my passwords to ‘incorrect’. So whenever I forget, it will tell me that my password is ‘incorrect’. - Unknown

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. - Anne Bancroft

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. - Joe Girard

I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet. - Unknown

There are two perfectly good men, one dead and the other unborn. - Chinese Proverb

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. - Melanie Clark

I'm trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep. - Jim Loy

What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. - Pearl Bailey

I’m open to suggestions, just not to taking them. - Unknown

With this smile, I can get away with everything. - Unknown

I’m sorry, my fault, I forgot you were an idiot. - Unknown

I’m so old they've cancelled my blood type. - Bob Hope

Wine is bottled poetry. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

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Happiness - Quotes

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The continual search for happiness is a primary reason that so many people are miserable. If you make happiness your goal, you are almost certainly destined to fail. You will be on a continual roller coaster, changing from successful to unsuccessful with every mood change. Life is uncertain, and emotions aren’t stable. Happiness simply cannot be relied upon as a measure of success. - John C. Maxwell

The duty of happiness becomes clearer when we see how it affects others. It is the merry heart that makes the cheerful countenance, and it is the cheerful countenance that spreads cheer to make other hearts merry. The sunny soul brings sunshine everywhere. A bright and happy temperament is a great social asset, adding to the happiness of the world. - Hugh Black

Happiness, like air and water, the other two great requisites of life, is composite. One kind of it suits one man, another kind another. The elevated mind takes in and breathes out again that which would be uncongenial to the baser; and the baser draws life and enjoyment from that which would be putridity to the loftier. - Walter Savage Landor

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can't control that inner tranquillity and outer effectiveness become possible. - Epictetus

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Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful, that’s what matters to me. - Steve Jobs

As time goes by, we start to see more clearly, and are able to see that it wasn’t all bad, and that perhaps just perhaps the breakup was a gift. - Osayi Osar-Emokpae

We learn something from everyone who passes through our lives. Some lessons are painful, some are painless, but all are priceless. - Unknown

To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can. - Nicholas Sparks

In order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain. - Mark Twain

Every man starts with all there is. Everything is here – the essence and substance of all there is. - Henry Ford

It’s amazing how lovely common things become, if one only knows how to look at them. - Louisa May Alcott

A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim. - Maya Angelou

Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life. - Wayne Dyer

It is better to take many injuries than to give one. - Bejaminn Franklin

But above all, in order to be, never try to seem. - Albert Camus

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Food and Cancer

I am reading more and more articles about food – either good for prevention of Cancer, or curing Cancer. I wonder if there is more effort and money put into researching these claims.

Click on the link below to read the article.

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/traditional-food-puts-chemotherapy-shame-new-study-reveals

Please copy and paste the link if clicking on it doesn't work

Humorous Quotes

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The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol. - Mignon McLaughlin

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. - Casey Stengel

Without a doubt... the worst part of being a single woman was having to take care of your own car. - Lisa Kleypas

Tranquilizers work only I you follow the advice on the bottle - Keep away from children. - Phyllis Diller

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate. - Nancy Astor

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. - Unknown

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'. - Unknown

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. - Benjamin Franklin

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine. - Frank Sinatra

When you fall, I will be there to catch you – With love, the floor. - Unknown

I’m not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example. - Unknown

It is not a secret after three people know it. - Unknown

If you wanna come second... Follow me!! - Unknown

It’s not an attitude, it’s the way I am! - Unknown

Will smile for food. - Unknown

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Love - Quotes

When people fall in love they not only change themselves, but in their eyes the whole world changes. They may have been commonplace or dull before. But once in love they take on a strange brightness. And however uninteresting and dreary the world may have seemed to them, it at once becomes a fairyland. - John Daniel Barry

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - Corinthians 13:1-13

None but those who have loved can be supposed to understand the oratory of the eye, the mute eloquence of a look, or the conversational powers of the face. Love's sweetest meanings are unspoken; the full heart knows no rhetoric of words, and resorts to the pantomime of sighs and glances. - Christian Nestell

I don't believe you ever stop loving anyone you ever really loved. You have them there like money in the bank just because you loved them and held them in your arms or dreamed you did. You can forget a lot of things in life, but not that honey to end all honeys. - Ellen Gilchrist

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Quote Worthy

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You should respect each other and refrain from disputes; you should not, like water and oil, repel each other, but should, like milk and water, mingle together. - Buddha

The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? - Edgar Allan Poe

Over-thinking ruins you. Ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry, and just makes everything much worse than it actually is. - Unknown 

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. - John Ruskin

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained. - Walt Disney

To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves. -Federico Garcia Lorca

Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do, doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas Edison

Never give up. Expect only the best from life and take action to get it. - Catherine Pulsifer

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. - Henry David Thoreau

Promises mean everything, but after they are broken, sorry means nothing. - Unknown

The loftiest towers rise from the ground. - Chinese Proverb

Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance. - Coco Chanel 

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Death - Quotes

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The road to death is a long march beset with all evils, and the heart fails little by little at each new terror, the bones rebel at each step, the mind sets up its own bitter resistance and to what end? The barriers sink one by one, and no covering of the eyes shuts out the landscape of disaster, nor the sight of crimes committed there. - Katherine Anne Porter

There is something wonderful about a death, how everything shuts down, and all the ways you thought you were vital are not even vaguely important. Your husband can feed the kids, he can work the new oven, he can find the sausages in the fridge, after all. And his important meeting was not important, not in the slightest. - Anne Enright

Could the best and kindest of us who depart from the earth have an opportunity of revisiting it, I suppose he or she (assuming that any Vanity Fair feelings subsist in the sphere whither we are bound) would have a pang of mortification at finding how soon our survivors were consoled. - William Makepeace Thackeray

Most of us were not afraid of death, only of the act of dying; and there were times when we overcame even this fear. At such moments we were free – men without shadows, dismissed from the ranks of the mortal; it was the most complete experience of freedom that can be granted a man. - Arthur Koestler

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Pickles

This is interesting …

These things happen to your brain when you eat a pickle every day. Click on the link for the article.

https://www.powerofpositivity.com/things-happen-brain-eat-pickle-every-day/

Please copy and paste the link if clicking on it doesn't work

Humorous Quotes

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There’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything, and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way. - Colonel Potter

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But ... but ... think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. - Boris

There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed. - Oscar Wilde

Recession is when a neighbour loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. - Ronald Regan

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I’m thirsty and when I’m not. - Brendan Behan

If the cup is only half full ... I suggest you buy a smaller bra. - Aunty Acid

Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. - Fran Lebowitz

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. - Don Marquis

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

It’s better to be late than to arrive ugly. - Makeup Artists Meet

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

Weapons of mass distraction. - Unknown

Friends

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The going away of friends does not make the remainder more precious. It takes so much from them as there was a common link. A. B. and C. make a party. A. dies. B. not only loses A. but all A.'s part in C. C. loses A.'s part in B., and so the alphabet sickens by subtraction of interchangeables. - Charles Lamb

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over. - Ray Bradbury

You cannot expect that a friend should be like the atmosphere, which confers all manner of benefits upon you, and without which indeed it would be impossible to live, but at the same time is never in your way. - Arthur Helps

If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile… But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me. - Unknown

As a wolf resembles a dog, so both a flatterer and an adulterer and a parasite resemble a friend. Take care then that instead of watch dogs you do not without knowing it let in mischievous wolves. - Epictetus

Friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil – but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small silly presents every so often – just to save it from drying out completely. - Pam Brown

Some friendships are formed by a commonality of interests and ideas: you both love judo or camping or making your own sausage. Other friendships are forged in alliance against a common enemy. - David Sedaris

One of the principal functions of a friend is to suffer (in a milder and symbolic form) the punishments that we should like, but are unable, to inflict upon our enemies. - Aldous Huxley

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Quote Worthy

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When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps. - Unknown

The man who cannot endure to have his errors and shortcomings brought to the surface and made known, but tries to hide them, is unfit to walk the highway of truth. - James Allen

Open-minded people do not impose their beliefs on others, the just accept all of life’s perspectives and realities, doing their own thing in peace without judging anyone. - Unknown

I’ve learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. - Martha Washington

Life stops when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing, love ends when you stop caring, friendship ends when you stop sharing. - Unknown 

People working together in a strong community with a shared goal and a common purpose can make the impossible possible. - Tom Vilsack

Some people are making such thorough preparation for rainy days, that they aren’t enjoying today’s sunshine. - William Feather

You have to look at a thing long enough for it to really show itself to you. - Kate Milford

Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by incompetence. - Napoleon

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whatever you are, be a good one. - Abraham Lincoln

Not responding is a response. - Jonathan Carroll

Success - Quotes

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Is it possible to have an endless series of successes without falling on our faces? I suppose it is, but I think it would entail doing the same things over and over again without taking chances, without taking risks or exploring our limits, without finding out what we can and can't do. - Alan Arkin

Jealousy of other people's success is a sure sign that you feel unfulfilled in your own life. Seeing them enjoy the fruits of their labours is a painful reminder that you do not have what you want nor have you been actively seeking it. - David J. Lieberman

Our success at friendship, business, sports, love – indeed, at nearly every enterprise we attempt – is largely determined by our self-image. People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness. - Alan Loy McGinnis

While success is necessary to happiness, it must be remembered that the term is a relative one; in other words, that there are many degrees of success, among which the highest are neither attainable by all, nor essential to felicity. - William Mathews

Success and failure are not dealt out like prizes and blanks in a lottery, by chance and indiscriminately; but there is a reason for every success and failure. Indolence, chicanery, waste will cause the one; while industry, honesty, and thrift will insure the other. - James Platt

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Pineapple

I will give this a try the next time I have a cough. No hurry though. Usually, I just let the cough runs its course because I find cough syrup ineffective. 

The secret behind the Secret

A friend recommended this to me. Have a look and see what you think. It is quite a long video - about 40 minutes.

The secret behind the Secret. Destiny Tuning to make Law of Attraction work for you.

Humorous Quotes

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I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. - Tracy Smith

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. - Unknown

A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon. - Unknown

We know nothing about motivation. All we can do is write books about it. - Peter Drucker

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. - George Carlin

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

I have lived with several Zen masters – all of them cats. - Eckhart Tolle

‘Vegetarian’ is an old Indian word for ‘bad hunter.’ - Unknown

Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver. - Unknown

Will Will will the will to Will? - Unknown

Life - Quotes

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Life is a strange thing. Why this longing for life? It is a game which no man wins. To live is to toil hard and to suffer sore, till old age creeps heavily upon us and we throw down our hands on the cold ashes of dead fires. It is hard to live. In pain the babe sucks his first breath, in pain the old man gasps his last, and all his days are full of trouble and sorrow; yet he goes down to the open arms of death, stumbling, falling, with head turned backward, fighting to the last. And death is kind. It is only life and the things of life that hurt. Yet we love life and we hate death. It is very strange. - Jack London

Between birth and burial, we find ourselves in a comedy of mysteries. If you don't think life is mysterious, if you believe you have it all mapped out, you aren't paying attention or you've anesthetized yourself with booze or drugs, or with a comforting ideology. And if you don't think life's a comedy – well, friend, you might as well hurry along to that burial. The rest of us need people with whom we can laugh. - Dean Koontz

From whatever point he starts, whatever path he follows, modern man comes to the same conclusion: behind its visible appearances, life hides a meaning that is eternally inaccessible to penetration by the spirit that seeks for its discovery, caught in the dilemma of being aware that it is impossible to find it, and yet also impossible to renounce the hopeless quest. - Arthur Adamov