Humorous Quotes

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And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. - George Carlin 

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. - Richard Lamm

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage. - James Holt McGavran

Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. - Unknown

Love lasts about seven years. That’s how long it takes for the cells of the body to totally replace themselves. - Francoise Sagan 

Irish coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Unknown

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner 

There’s no trick to being a humourist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. - Robert Benchley

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. - Mark Twain

Young people don’t know what age is, and old people forget what youth was. - Unknown

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards. - Oscar Wilde

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. - Lucille Ball

I think we all agree, the past is over. - George W. Bush

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