Humorous Quotes

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I'm such a slow writer I have no need for anything as fast as a word processor. I don't need anything so snappy. I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself. - Fran Lebowitz

The older generation thought nothing of getting up at five every morning  and the younger generation doesn’t think much of it either. - John J. Welsh

Hold your wife’s hand in the mall because if you let go, she’ll start shopping. It looks romantic abut it’s actually economic. - Unknown

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighbourhood after dark. - Dick Gregory

Getting old sucks! I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks, now it’s more like a bounced cheque. - Dawn French

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

You are only old enough to get a tattoo when you think tattoos are juvenile. - Joseph Julius Bonkowski Jr.

There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. - Jack Yelton

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. - Doug Larson

I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win. - Jarod Kintz

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. - Oscar Wilde

The best beer in the world, is the open bottle in your hand! - Danny Jansen

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