Humorous Quotes

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In order to know whether a human being is young or old, offer it food of different kinds at short intervals. If young, it will eat anything at any hour of the day or night. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future. - Richard Jeni

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do more, and you are not yet decrepit enough to turn them down. - T. S. Eliot

Unfortunately, creative people are at their most creative when writing their autobiographies. - Steven Pinker

Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster. - Scott Adams

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. - Robert Frost

I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - W.C. Fields

If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees. - Lao Tzu

We love lawyers. If there weren’t any lawyers, there wouldn’t be any jokes! - Unknown

Give me just enough information so that I can lie convincingly. - Stephen King

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

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