Humorous Quotes

Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite. - Germaine Greer

I think all toys should be invisible. Not only would they improve children's imaginations, but they'd also be really affordable. - Jarod Kintz

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. - Sam Ewing

You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband! - Bill Maher

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself. - Elizabeth Metcalf

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. - Oscar Wilde

Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start. - Edgar Watson Howe

Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem. - A. A. Milne

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. - Hedy Lamarr

Oozing charm from every pore, he oiled his way around the floor. - Alan Jay Lerner

Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror. - Pamela Anderson

My mind is a bad neighbourhood that I try not to go into alone. - Anne Lamott

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