Humorous Quotes

Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert. - Dennis Sharpe

Vanity is becoming a nuisance, I can see why women give it up, eventually. But I'm not ready for that yet. - Margaret Atwood

Nowadays, the only occasions that seem to bring families together are weddings and funerals. - Julia McNamara

At a dinner party, one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely. - W. Somerset Maugham

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people. - Jarod Kintz

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it. - Andre Maurois

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. - Marlene Dietrich

My husband says I feed him like he’s a god: every meal is a burnt offering. - Rhonda Hansome

The price of your hat isn’t the measure of your brain. - African American Saying

I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning. - Unknown

Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most. - Ozzy Osbourne

Never choose your women or linen by candlelight. - French Proverb

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