Paraprosdokians

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. - P.J. O’Rourke

Alcohol is a very effective dissolving agent. It dissolves families, marriages, friendships, jobs, bank accounts and neurons, but never problems. - Unknown

All women should know how to take care of children. Most of them will have a husband someday. - Franklin P. Jones

Although it gets me in trouble I always speak my mind because it hurts too much to bite my tongue. - Unknown

Don't do drugs, because you will go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison. - John Harwick

My grandfather is eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. He drinks straight out of the bottle. - Unknown

Do not put off till tomorrow what can be put off till day-after-tomorrow just as well. - Mark Twain

Every day I hear stupid people say things that are not stupid. - Michel de Montaigne

Always look on the bright side of life. Otherwise it’ll be too dark to read. - Unknown

After exercising I always eat a pizza… Just kidding I never exercise. - Unknown

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. - Oscar Wilde

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch. - Orson Welles

More Paraprosdokians HERE