Here are some humorous and witty quotes to help put a smile on your face. That happens when you are able to see the humour in what’s being said.
Remember the ones you like, and go make your friends laugh. Your friends will be impressed with your wit and humour.
In matters of religion and matrimony I never give any advice; because I will not have anybody’s torments in this world or the next laid to my charge. - Lord Chesterfield
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it. - Laurence Peter
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
One learns to itch where one can scratch. - Scott Reed
Nothing is as silly as the expression of a man who is being complimented. - Andre Gide
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. - Sarah Brown
A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you. - Margaret Atwood
If you surround yourself with clowns, don’t be surprised if your life becomes a circus. - Unknown
Tact is the rare ability to keep silent while two friends are arguing, and you know both of them are wrong. - Sir Hugh Percy Allen
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