Monday, 29 July 2013

Glorious Insults

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Some of them anyway.

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The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response

He had delusions of adequacy. - Walter Kerr

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Winston Churchill

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary. - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.. - Oscar Wilde

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. - Andrew Lang

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here. - Stephen Bishop

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - Forrest Tucker 

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde 

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it. - Moses Hadas

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? - Mark Twain

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