Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, as well as simply, or profoundly true.

Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. - Laurence Peter

Everyone has two sides - good and evil. How you treat me will determine which side of me you see. - Unknown

Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend. - John Singer Sargent

Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo. - C. A. Dykstra

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. - Nick Diamos

Everybody wants to help Save The Earth, but nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes. - Tom McMahon

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed. - Prince Philip

Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and  you make bad decisions. - Unknown

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. - Steven Wright

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else. - Will Rogers

Exercise is bunk. If you are healthy, you don't need it: if you are sick you should not take it. - Henry Ford

First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don’t come, I choose the ones that pay the rent. - Michael Caine

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. - Douglas Adams

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. - Gloria Borger

For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. - Abraham Lincoln