George Carlin

George Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22 208) - American comedian, social critic, actor, and author, known for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. 

We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven’t learned how to care for one another. We’re gonna save the fxxkin’ planet? . . . And, by the way, there’s nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin’ great. It’s been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn’t goin' anywhere, folks. We are! We’re goin’ away. Pack your shit, we’re goin’ away. And we won’t leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we’ll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake. - George Carlin

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating … and you finish off as an orgasm. - George Carlin

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. - George Carlin

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. - George Carlin

I’m completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. - George Carlin

Quote Worthy

The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous. - Margot Fonteyn

He who thinks he can find in himself the means of doing without others is much mistaken; but he who thinks that others cannot do without him is still more mistaken. - Duc de La Rochefoucauld

A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain. - Mildred W. Struven

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Unknown

It doesn’t matter who hurt you, or broke you down. What matters is who made you smile again. - Unknown

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. - Zachary Scott

Ask not what your country can do for you, but rather what you can do for your country. - Cicero

You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart. - Russell Baker

Brevity is a great charm of eloquence. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

It is hard to say common things in an original way. - Horace

Oaths are but words and words are but wind. - Samuel Butler

Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do. - Irma Kurtz

Sculptures

Sculptures. Beautiful works of Art. Unfortunately, I do not have the name of the artists nor the names of the art works.

Quote Worthy

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Explore... Dream... Discover… - Mark Twain

Just because we’re in a stressful situation doesn’t mean that we have to get stressed out. You may be in the storm. But the key is, don’t let the storm get in you. - Unknown

Staying quiet doesn’t always mean I have nothing to say. Sometimes it means I don’t think you are ready to hear my thoughts. - Unknown

You cannot grow unless you are willing to change. You will never improve  yourself if you cling to what used to be. - Leon Brown

Sometimes people never get what they deserve because they are too busy holding on to things they’re supposed to let go. - Unknown

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot

The miser is as much in want of that which he has, as of that which he has not. - Publilius Syrus

In all matters, one must consider the end. - Jean de la Fontaine

The wish for healing has always been half of health. - Seneca

We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified. - Aesop

You never find yourself until you face the truth. - Pearl Bailey

Nothing can be done except little by little. - Charles Baudelaire

Food For Thought

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself; if you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your won self-transformation. - Lao Tzu

Don’t dwell on the past. Your history can’t be erased, but your future has  yet to be written. Make the most of what’s going to happen, instead of worrying about what you can’t change. Don’t waste your time being sad, because  you’re wasting away moments in which you could be happy. - Unknown

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this. - Henry David Thoreau

Quote Worthy

If you know what you want, then you’re one step closer to it. If you take a step in that direction, then you’re actually making it happen. Think small steps and big dreams. - Paul S. Boynton

An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, and circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle. But it will never break. - Ancient Chinese Proverb

Your struggle is your strength. If you can resist becoming negative, biter or hopeless, in time, your struggles will give you everything. - Bryant McGill

Behind you are the challenges you’ve met. Before you lies new possibilities. Today you choose the direction of your life. - Unknown

Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us. - Unknown

Every single second is an opportunity to change your life because in any moment you can change the way  you feel. - Rhonda Bryne

It is the combination of thought and love which forms the irresistible force of the Law of Attraction. - Charles Hammael

You become like the people you spend the most time with – choose wisely. - Unknown

A moment of gratitude makes a difference in  your attitude. - Bruce Wilkinson

We are constantly invited to be who we are. - Henry David Thoreau

All rising to a great Place is by a winding stair. - Francis Bacon

Close your eyes, clear your heart and let it all go! - Unknown

Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Musicians don’t retire; they stop when there’s no more music in them. - Louis Armstrong

My friend, when a man has anything to tell in this world, the difficulty is not to make him tell it, but to prevent him from telling it too often. - George Bernard Shaw

My friends tell me that I have a tendency to point out problems without offering solutions, but they never tell me what I should do about it. - Daniel Gilbert

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me. - Benjamin Disraeli

My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m Happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right? - Charles M. Schulz

My life story? I don't know. I'm making it up as I go along. - Unknown

My mind is not a bed to be made and remade. - James Agate

My people and I have come to an agreement which satisfied us both. They are to say what they please, and I am to do what I please. - Frederick The Great

My tongue swore, but my mind was still unpledged. - Euripides

My toughest fight was with my first wife. - Muhammad Ali

Never again will I spend another winter in this accursed bucketshop of a refrigerator called England. - Rudyard Kipling

Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not know the difference. - Mark Twain

Never attempt to murder a man who is committing suicide. - Woodrow Wilson 

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing.  It is a waste of time and annoys the pig. - Robert Heinlein

Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. - Robert C. Edwards

Life

Most of us take our life on this planet for granted. When something drastic happens, it  forces us to re-evaluate the reason we are here and why we do what we do. Calamities, illness and death are the greatest teachers and awakeners. They shake us up and take us out of our comfort zone and illusion of separation. Our struggles and hardships give us opportunities to grow and realize that life is a temporary gift for us to cherish, and be grateful for. Unfortunately, because we are slow in learning this lesson, existence throws more challenges our way to help us wake up and re-evaluate the way we live our life. The ups and downs of life teach us that anything can happen at any moment, so we can’t take things, people, our health, or life for granted. - Unknown

A meaningful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect … it is about being real, being humble, being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a gull, happy and contented life. - Unknown

Some days life is all about your dreams, hopes an visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that’s okay. - Unknown

In the end, only three things matter; how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. - Buddhist Saying

Life is about laughing and living in good and bad times. Getting through whatever comes our way and looking back with a smile. - Unknown

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote

The rest of your life could be the best of your life. - Unknown

Quote Worthy

The generality of men are naturally apt to be swayed by fear rather than reverence, and to refrain from evil rather because of the punishment that it brings than because of its own foulness. - Aristotle

There is probably an element of malice in our readiness to overestimate people – we are, as it were, laying up for ourselves the pleasure of later cutting them down to size. - Eric Hoffer

The height of stupidity is most clearly demonstrated by the individual who ridicules something he knows nothing about. - Albert Einstein

What has puzzled us before seems less mysterious, and the crooked paths look straighter as we approach the end. - Jean Paul Richter 

Understand that not everything is meant to be understood. Live, let go, and don’t worry about what you can’t change. - Unknown

Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them. - Unknown

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. - Thomas Carlyle

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by. - John Sales

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. - Josh Billings

What’s meant to be will always find a way. - Trisha Yearwood

Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends. - Aristotle

Learn To Enjoy Being Alone

10 Amazing things that will happen when you learn to enjoy being alone

http://themindunleashed.org/2014/10/10-amazing-things-will-happen-learn-enjoy-alone.html

Quote Worthy

Your mind, while blessed with permanent memory, is cursed with lousy recall. Written goals provide clarity. By documenting your dreams, you must think about the process of achieving them. - Gary Ryan Blair

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential ... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. - Confucius

Understand that you own nothing, everything that surrounds you is temporary, only the love in your heart will last forever. - Unknown

Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water and family will cross you quicker than strangers. - Unknown

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music. - Angela Monet

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Mark Twain

The best of all ways to lengthen our days is to steal a few hours from the night. - Charles Lamb

It is a fact that you project what you are. - Norman Vincent Peale

The golden age never was the present age. - Benjamin Franklin

No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking. - Voltaire

Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure. - Lord G. G. Bryon

Silent gratitude isn’t very much use to anyone. - Gertrude Stein

Quote Worthy

Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free. - Thich Hhat Hanh

You smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, how you leave others feeling after having an experience with you becomes your trademark. - Unknown

How foolish is man! He ruins the present while worrying about the future, but weeps in the future by recalling his past! - Ali Ibn Abi Talib

The mere process of growing old together will make the slightest acquaintance seem a bosom friend. - Logan Smith

We ought to consider the ‘ifs’ now and then. Thinking about ‘if’ sometimes prepares us for when. - Unknown

Sometimes people are beautiful; Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are. - Unknown

Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. - Jane Wells

The whole is simpler than the sum of its parts. - Willard Gibbs

If you want to catch more fish, use more hooks. - Gracie Allen

When everything has to be right, something is not. - Stanislaw Lec

Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm. - Publius Syrus

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn. - Don Herold

Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

May evil spirits be confused on the way to your door. - George Carlin

May you never forget what is worth remembering; Or remember what is best forgotten. - Unknown

May your every wish be granted. - Ancient Chinese Curse

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction. - Ashleigh Brilliant 

Merely innocent flirtation. Not quite adultery, but adulteration. - Lord G. G. Bryon

Middle Age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?" - Sydney J. Harris

Misers make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

Money doesn’t buy happiness? Well it does buy a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? Yeah, I thought so. - Unknown

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen 

Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye. - Unknown

Moping melancholy And moon-struck madness. - John Milton

More people should learn to tell their dollars where to go instead of asking them where they went. - Roger Babson 

Most human beings are quite likeable if you do not see too much of them. - Robert Lynd

Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. - Woody Allen 

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. - Fred Allen

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. - Unknown

Murder, like talent, seems occasionally to run in families. - G. H. Lewes

Forgiveness

No matter how much pain someone has caused  you, forgiving them is an essential part to letting go. Forgiveness doesn’t not mean you accept or condone their actions or that you agree with that persons behaviour, but rather that you are no longer allowing that person’s actions to emotionally cause you pain and suffering. Forgiveness can be done while still separating yourself from that person physically as well. There is no stronger action you can provide yourself. To forgive someone for hurting you allow you to finally let go of the pain and the hurt they caused you. You cannot overcome pain and anger with more pain and anger, but only by compassion and goodness. Forgiveness will essentially free you. - T. Young

Quote Worthy

Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your Vision is the promise of what you shall one day be. Your Ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil. - James Allen

Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to and makes up his mind to do. We are capable of greater things than we realize. - Norman Vincent Peale

Love and kindness are the universal languages of the world. There is no need for translation, as every heart understands. - Unknown

Sometimes people try to expose what’s wrong with you, because they can’t handle what’s right about you. - Unknown

The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing it exactly right. - Edward C. Simmons

Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure. - Napoleon Hill

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. - Josh Billings

Creditors have better memories than debtors. - Benjamin Franklin

It is double pleasing to trick the trickster. - Jean de la Fontaine

Sometimes, to do nothing is to do something. - Leo Buscaglia

None knows the weight of another’s burden. - George Herbert

Be silent always when you doubt your sense. - Alexander Pope

Uses For Lemons

45 uses for lemons that will blow your socks off

http://www.trueactivist.com/45-uses-for-lemons-that-will-blow-your-socks-off/?utm_source=fb&utm_medium=mam&utm_campaign=mam

Quote Worthy

Dealing with complexity is an inefficient and unnecessary waste of time, attention and mental energy. There is never any justification for things being complex when they could be simple. - Edward De Bono

The most original of authors are not so because they advance what is new, but more because they know how to say something, as if it had never been said before. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The best rose-bush, after all, is not that which has the fewest thorns, but that which bears the finest roses. - Henry van Dyke 

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. - William Arthur Ward

The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives. - Unknown

Nothing we see or hear is perfect. But right there in the imperfection is perfect reality. - Shunryu Suzuki

There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough. - Unknown

Sometimes you just need to disconnect and enjoy your own company. - Unknown

Life is but a moment, death also is but another. - Robert Schuller

A man’s action is only a picture book of his creed. - Arthur Helps

To shun one’s cross is to make it heavier. - Henri Frederic Amiel

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. - H. Jackson Brown

Quote Worthy

Be mild with the mild, shrewd with the crafty, confiding to the honest, rough to the ruffian, and a thunderbolt to the liar. But in all this, never be unmindful of your own dignity. - John Brown

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has a cause to think deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. - Unknown

If you want to know your past life, look into your present condition. If you want to know your future life, look at your present actions. - Padmasambhava

Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. - Steve Maraboli

It’s not only about having the skill to do something. It’s about having the will, desire and commitment to be your best. - Unknown

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso

Always remember that it is progress, not perfection, you should be looking for. - Unknown

In our struggle for freedom, truth is the only weapon we possess. - The  Dalai Lama

We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are. - Max Depree

Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways. - Unknown

Every sunrise proves even the darkest night comes to an end. - Eleanor Brownn

It is madness for sheep to talk peace with a wolf. - Thomas Fuller

Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Live as though it were your last day on earth. Some day you will be right. - Dr. Robert Anthony

Live or die, sink or swim. - George Peele 

Living in a vacuum sucks. - Adrienne Gusoff 

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. - Unknown

Looking at yourself in a mirror isn’t exactly a study of life. - Lauren Bacall

Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies. - D''Hericault

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. - Josh Billings

Love thy neighbour, but pull not down thy hedge. - John Ray

Maids want nothing but husbands, and when they have them, they want everything. - William Shakespeare

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. - William A. Arnett

Man are but children of a larger growth. - John Dryden

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. - Unknown

Many complain of their looks, but none of their brains. - Unknown

Many girls like to marry a military man – he can cook, sew, make beds, and is in good health, and he’s already used to taking orders. - Unknown

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. - Steven Wright

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot. - Unknown

Martyrs, my friend, have to choose between being forgotten, mocked or used. As for being understood - never. - Albert Camus

Food For Thought

To change anything on the outside, you must become the change on the inside. How the change will happen on the outside is not up to you. That is the job of the Universe. Your job is to radiate all good from the inside, and the outside circumstances will change to reflect the ‘all good’ inside you. - Unknown

Words do not teach at all. It is life experience that brings you your knowing. But when you hear words that are a vibrational match to the knowing that you have accumulated, then sometimes it’s easier for you to sort it all out. - Abraham

There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher. - Robin Sharma

See the things that you want as already yours. Know that they will come to you at need. Then let them come. Don’t fret and worry about them. Don’t think about your lack of them. Think of them as yours, as belonging to you, as already in your possession. - Robert Collier

Quote Worthy

It has never been, and never will be easy work! But the road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveller than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination. - Marion Zimmer Bradley

The wise man does not expose himself needlessly to danger, but he is willing, in great crises, to give even his life – knowing that under certain conditions it is not worthwhile to live. - Aristotle

If two men on the same job agree all the time, then one is useless. If they disagree all the time, then both are useless. - Darryl Francis Zanuck 

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. - Unknown

There is always something to upset the most careful of human calculations. - Ihara Saikaku

The injuries we do and those we suffer are seldom weighed in the same scales. - Aesop

Sometimes we’re tested, not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths. - Unknown

He who would search for pearls must dive below. - John Dryden

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another. - Juvenal

Flattery corrupts both the receiver and the giver. - Edmund Burke

A fool must now and then be right, by chance. - William Cowper

A man’s worth is no greater than his ambitions. - Marcus Aurelius

12 ‘Life Changing ‘ Quotations

From the site 'The Law of Attraction'

http://www.thelawofattraction.com/l/12-life-changing-quotes/

Quote Worthy

The funny thing about setbacks and roadblocks is that very often they actually turn out to be windows and doorways. Trusting that opportunities are waiting for us, makes them easier to discover! - Paul S. Boyton

We are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way. Appreciation is a wonderful feeling. Don’t overlook it. - Unknown

Be thankful for the bad things in life. For they opened your eyes to the good things you weren’t paying attention to before. - Unknown

Walking away from something unhealthy is brave ... even if you stumble a little on your way out. - Necole Stephens

Listen to your own voice, your own soul. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. - Unknown

If one desires to receive one must first give. This is called profound understanding. - Lao Tzu

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. - William Edward Hickson

Be not simply good; be good for something. - Henry David Thoreau

Patience and fortitude conquer all things. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth lives in the cellar; error on the doorstep. - Austin O'Malley

There is never a right time to do a difficult thing. - John Porter

Quote Worthy

A life filled with silly social drama and gossip indicates that person is disconnected from purpose and lacking meaningful goals. People on a path of purpose don’t have time for drama. - Brendon Burchard

Every situation is an opportunity to grow; everything that happens is giving you the opportunity to become stronger wiser, and more lobbing. Everything that happens to you is for your higher good. - Sanaya Roman

All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. - Unknown

Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained. - Unknown

You are only a trustee of things you own in this life. When you leave, everything is given back. - Unknown

Do not buy what you want, but what you need; what you do not need is dear at a  farthing. - Unknown

There is no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature. There is an aggressive element to wit. - Unknown

When you produce results you gain credibility. When you have credibility, you will have an easier time producing results. - Unknown

Knowledge comes from learning. Wisdom comes from living. - Anthony Douglas Williams

It is a fraud to borrow what we are unable to pay. - Publilius Syrus

Destroy the seed of evil, or it will grow up to your ruin. - Aesop

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. - Colette

The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw. - Henry Havelock Ellis