Humorous Quotes

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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. - Robert Brault

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one. - Rita Rudner

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfield

If I was dead, I wouldn’t know I was dead. That’s the only thing I have against death. I want to enjoy my death. - Samuel Beckett

As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... - Sir Norman Wisdom

My parents told me, “You watch too much TV and should try reading more!”. So I turned on the subtitles. - Unknown

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake and not worry about the weight. - Unknown

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. - Mae West

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. - W.C. Fields

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. - David Dinkins

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. - John Peers

I’m not as think as you drunk I am. - Mega Jones